#everything so piratey currently

[izzymalec]

babe wake up new ofmd promo just dropped

[shining-scion]

Ok, here’s my thoughts/review on Pirate101 as a newcomer/someone who just beat arc 1.

I wanna start off by saying I did, overall, have a lot of fun with this game. I did. That being said—

The first thing I think is really worth addressing as a problem is just how… culturally insensitive this game gets. I’m not an expert on any of this stuff, and with Wizards I’m not sure how much is noticeable until at least Krok, but I noticed some stuff almost immediately here that I— while not an expert— am concerned about. Perhaps that’s because I’m older. I did start my Wizard playthrough very young.

First of all, the whole class of witchdoctor, the aesthetic… probably needs to go. I can tell it’s being sourced from “piratey” media, (wasn't the plot of one of the POTC movies that Jack Sparrow got tied up with a voodoo doll in some manner?) but it’s outdated and while I can’t speak for the cultures it affects, I’ve seen people speak out against using similar tropes. I’ve personally just replaced the class altogether in my own headcanons, but I don’t think Pirate has the budget or means to overhaul a whole class, and headcanons don’t fix canon, so I’m not sure what can be done here. I’m not an expert.

I can tell that, in general, much like Wizard, Pirate is a melting pot of different sailing/odyssey/pirate pieces of media. “The Road to El Dorado” is literally a movie.

In general, I don’t mind the media inspirations being blatant. It’s fun to see what I recognize and how passing bits and pieces of different stories make their way into the Spiral, and when it’s done well I think it gives the universe this really fun bizarro world vibe. The issue lies in the fact that popular culture is full of stereotypes, and it’s clear that those stereotypes were taken as face value and just seen as “tropes”— which, yeah, a stereotype is often used as a part of a trope, but that doesn’t make it ok. At all. Both games would need a serious rehaul to make some of this stuff passable, I’m sure.

In addition to the witchdoctor class, the whole entirety of Cool Ranch was really just awful to Native people, and so was the literal opening questline in Skull Island. Wizards has this problem at times too.

In general, Spiral worlds have a problem where they don’t take enough creative liberty from their source IRL locations. I wonder if they might have at least a little bit of an easier time with this stuff if they took the time to worldbuild each… well, world, until it’s a distinct thing from its source. They did so fairly well with Dragonspyre, and multiple pieces of fiction do the same, so I don’t see why they couldn’t except for maybe their “one world a year” cycle kind of stopping them from writing things like that as much as they want.

TDLR: KI, YOU NEED A SENSITIVITY READER. “IT’S FICTION” IS NOT AN EXCUSE. THOSE ARE REAL STEREOTYPES AND REAL HARM. YOU SHOULD BE DOING AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TO PREVENT PERPETUATING HARMFUL STEREOTYPES IN THE FUTURE.

I just wanted to hold space for that topic, because it’s important, and it’s probably my biggest worry above all else. I don’t know everything but it seemed worth mentioning.

Transitioning onto the brief background context I do have with this game, since that will affect my view…

I played Pirate101 once as a kid— in 2012, when it launched. My stepsister and I crowded around the home computer and waited with baited breath as we saw another side of the spiral for the first time…

I never got past like, level 3, and that first character currently says she’s “adrift in the spiral” on the loading screen so I can only assume she got shot by the Armada or something horrible. Anyway—

The idea of playing again was something I’d turned over in my mind as I got back into Wizards. Now that I was older, I figured I’d be able to grasp it better than I could as a kid, and I’d be able to pay for my own sub, as well. After a bit of thinking, I went for it. I’d heard a lot of things about the game’s current state, but I decided to try and push that out of my mind as much as possible and meet it on its own terms. I wanted to give it a fair shake and I wanted to experience it with all the unbridled joy I know it would have given me as a kid, without worrying about how the later content would or wouldn’t compare.

I’ll give the game this— I LOVE THE OPENING. Maybe I was just excited to cross the long awaited item off my list, or maybe my inner child was just giddy to start a new adventure in my favorite fictional world, but I could not stop smiling and laughing from the moment the curtains opened to the minute I landed in Skull Island. Escaping the ship was exciting, seeing the Armada was SO COOL— I can see why they’re a fan favorite 101 villain— and the way I got to pick my backstory was unique. When I realized a Swashbuckler was much the same as a Storm wizard, I was really happy to see that picking the choices that seemed to speak to me (in wizards, questions about my personality, here, what I thought would make for a cool backstory) landed me with a playstyle I favored. It’s a small, coincidental thing, but it worked and I settled into things fairly quickly.

…I did also notice that the game was a lot rougher around the edges. Small things, really— the bloom is a little too bright, some models aren’t entirely animated in the face, things like that. I didn’t mind, and honestly? It just reminded me a little bit of classic Wizard, and it grew on me within the hour.

There were a few glitches that have and continue to persist. The dialogue box when Boochbeard is psychically communicating with you, or your companions are talking while you’re doing something, is covered by the crowns shop symbol unless the menu is opened. This was a… mild problem for me, as I have an auditory processing disorder and need that text to understand what’s being said to me. As well, every time I was shown an image, it would be cut off and shown halfway above the screen. I never got to see the face of my mother. That sounds horrible out of context. Anyway—

I really enjoyed the moment you walk up to the dock in Jonah Town and see your parent’s ship. I think my little part of the game was how the chase to El Dorado often felt like you were moving in step with your parents, running beside them and only separated by time.

There’s a weird feeling of legacy and it all feels really grand in a way Wizard doesn’t. They’re both, objectively, stories about growing up and taking your place in the world, but the Young Wizard is not attached to the Spiral in the same way the Pirate is. If I were to name the difference, I’d say Wizard is about Destiny and Fate, while Pirate is much more about Legacy and Heritage. The Wizard is guided by the stars, the Pirate is guided by the echoes of the past. They’re both very different ways of addressing and justifying the great journey, but I think they work in step with each other.

Another thing that I think was done SUPER WELL is the sense of SCALE. Especially, docking at Mooshu made me realize that if anything, I hadn’t explored CRAP of the worlds I was going to. I was basically saying I explored a whole country when I was really just going to the capital. The travel times were boring and a little egregious at times, but I think they were overall needed to give a sense of just how big the Spiral really was. When you look at the illustration of the cosmos, it can almost seem sort of small, but that’s not the case at all and Pirate really wants to remind you of that.

Gear wise, I knew it was gonna be more open ended, but OH GOD. I wasn’t expecting what I got. I was waiting for a waterworks, or the Kane dungeon to be like Darkmoor, but it wasn’t like that at all. The openness was daunting, but eventually I really just pressed into the agility and attack stats, and I came through fine. Managing my companions was a little bit more of a daunting task, and I eventually realized that even on a normal playthrough, you needed to know how EVERY class played so that you could spec your companions accordingly. There’s a lot to keep up with and I don’t think the fact that I was treating it like Wizard102 helped. It took me until about Aquila to really have an idea of what I was doing.

As for Ship Things— coolest part of the game. I am REALLY impressed with how well it plays especially for the engine and when it was coded. The skyboxes are gorgeous, the fact you can run around on your boat and even get a little cabin was a pleasant surprise, and I liked the nods to Wizard’s spells with the ship combat attacks. I did play through the whole game with a partner and often rode with her, so this might not be an issue for others, but my nautical level was severely underleveled almost the entire game. I’m only on Sinbad part 1 now, but to my knowledge, I’m past the part where sailing is useful.

Now, as for purely story stuff…

This was Blind Mew’s game. I’ve heard a lot about him as a writer during my time on Wizblur, and I know he has pretty strong influence in Wizard now, but I wanted to see his writing “in his element”, so to speak.

…I really enjoyed it. I could tell that a lot of story beats were planned out in advance, with an idea of how and when exactly things would tie together. There was a thematic idea through the entire game and it stuck to that— the idea being of freedom, and choosing to seek redemption.

It was really interesting to hear this sort of idea of “redemption is an action an individual chooses to take— and it doesn’t always mean forgiveness or being allowed “back in”— it just means the person tries to do better.”

A lot of redemption arcs in the current day are very… uh… Catholic about it? You must Grovel and Suffer and Atone and only once you have Suffered and Killed All The Old Parts Of You can you be considered worthy. Pirate doesn’t do that. It kind of just says that at any point, someone can decide to turn around and do something different, and you should always give people the chance to TRY.

I know Valencia part two was rushed, but I think even then it was really good. Kane did something I really appreciated with was take the theme and add an addendum:

People can decide to turn around and do better at any point, and they deserve to be offered that chance, but some people will refuse to do better.

Kane SHOOTING HIS OWN HEART really tied a bow on the message for me. You could probably argue “well, could he really be blamed for that if he didn’t have the conscious to tell him it was the right thing to do to accept it?” But I really don’t think the whole nature of AI and how they think thing matters here.

The ending was great. I adored how all the companions sort of came to your side in the end and even explicitly said that they were your family. I’m not sure Wizard ever has a moment where an NPC says something that… close and caring to your PC.

Overall I enjoyed the chase for the map pieces, and chipping at the Armada’s elites was really well done. I wasn’t expecting them to treat the Marleybone war with so much gravity, but they did it about as well and as seriously as a kid’s game could. The finale with Rooke at the end was amazing, the atmosphere was really well done and Rooke died to my partner’s crab, which was just… peak 101 game comedic timing.

I also really loved the “GO GO GO AND GET OUT” way they structured Valencia part 1 and 2. I was genuinely tense and nervous in part 2, wondering if being Spiral Spain’s Attaché was even going work. Being so close to Kane and watching him get SCOLDED for daring to touch me was incredibly satisfying. I wish there was more time for Royal court shenanigans so that I could get to see Kane glaring at from across the room more, but I suppose that’s what fanfiction is for.

In terms of story execution and story execution purely, I’d give arc 1 an 8/10. Every beat was there when it needed to be and early actions affected the long term narrative, which was nice to see. With some Wizard worlds I do feel like they suffer from “this could have been an email” disease, but my time was less wasted in Pirate.

…Now, as for Sinbad…

I have unfortunately noticed the increase in insane difficulty, and an increase in glitches. Last night my partner and I tried to do the tower in Mooshu to find Sinbad, and we were in there for two hours, only to get teamwiped and find no dungeon recall. I understand Pirate was made to be harder than Wizards, but that is just straight up unfair for mainline content, I’m sorry. As well, a promotion quest my partner did had enemies that were almost level eighty. If the level cap is seventy, how in the WORLD is that fair?

It didn’t bother me so much initially, but now in the endgame it really does— how much is locked behind a timer. Oh, you want to level your pet? You have to constantly be starting timers for their training, and logging in regularly to stop their training and start a new one even if you aren’t playing. If your companions get injured they’re unusable until they’ve recovered, which is mostly fine in the early levels, until they need ten hours to recover at level seventy. If you’ve been trying to fight something for ages, and you keep dying, all your companions will be bedridden and you just— can’t play anymore. It reminds me of those really formulaic mobile games where everything is on a timer and progress is so, so slow that you maybe get five minutes to do things a day. Sinbad feels impossible right now because I’ve pretty much run out of ways to improve or maximize a stat to make it easier. There’s no team up either— so am I just supposed to hope I can figure out how to cheese a rigged combat system?

I am still, overall, interested in Pirate101. I want to support the game and allow it to come back to life like the developers have been trying to do. I am interested in what’s next for the story and how they’re going to expand or do something differently from the Armada. I can understand reused assets from Wizard, I can understand a few glitches or bugs, but if I can’t keep up with the gameplay, none of that matters.

It’s possible I just suck at the game. I came for the story and for the most part, I did get to experience that. It was really impressive to see how well it stood up against Wizard— it didn't feel like an aside or lesser, it had its own identity and part of the Spiral.

I’m not sure how to end this review other than… like, I can’t tell KI how to make their games, but please have a little bit of mercy. Wizard is fairly forgiving and I understand wanting to make a harder game, but there’s hard and there’s challenging. Pirate101 is not challenging me, it’s hitting me with a brick inside of a sock. I think it really needs some balancing help.

Adoring the amount of badass coats to pick from, though.

[georgieluz]

Hey

do you write any fan fictions? If so do you think you could give us a little overview of what you’re currently working on? No pressure.

hello! thanks for the ask, i do indeed write fic! ofc i can give you an overview of what i'm working on atm :) i tried to not make this too long as it's just an overview, but feel free to ask me to expand on any of these! i do actually wanna talk more about my fic but i just never know if people wanna read posts about it or just wait until i upload the fic itself. do people want extracts? information about aus? character stuff? idk??? lemme know if you wanna know more, i'm chucking in a read more too bc it got a bit long

a hbo war f1 au. [working title: you're crashing, but you're no wave]. okay, so this is probably the biggest scale thing i'm working on atm. it's multi-chaptered and atm i've been writing it in an almost serialised format, since it's got quite a few narrative strands and numerous characters from both band of brothers and the pacific. i probably would have included some gen kill characters too, but i hadn't watched the show when i was planning and starting to write this, and i don't wanna add too much more into it, so i've stopped myself. i've written a lot for this one and i'm considering posting a few chapters soon. if you wanna know about any character's role in this one feel free to send me another ask because i'd love to talk about them more!! some are drivers (we've got rookies, seasoned drivers, eight-time world champions, the lot!!), some are behind the pit wall in management and engineering roles, some are retired drivers, etc etc. but yeah, it's andy haldane's final season before he plans to retire and let's just say the racing world has decided it's going to be the most chaotic yet! i'll drop some clues about what it entails: snafu and liebgott scrapping their way into weekly dnfs until one of them is kicked from the team. rookie driver eugene sledge having to deal with the consequences. webster somehow making it into his dream team with his dream teammate, yet, his focus remains on beating one person and one person alone. eddie jones is the very successful (and very hot) team principal of andy's rival team. hoosier is there being his usual self. leckie is the f1 journo who somehow knows everything about everyone and boy, the fans love it. we also have the much-loved fan favourite george luz and his race day engineer carwood lipton! retired-world-champion-now-team-principal dick winters and his ex-teammate boyfriend lewis nixon! and i also have a fair few OCs for this au, they aren't written romantically with any of the boys though, but i love them a lot! i might do a post about them later.

next up, is my k-company space pirates au! [working title: one way trigger (step inside the sun)] ok so it probably won't sound very piratey right now, but stick with me, ok? this is actually the one i'm enjoying writing the most right now. i've drafted all the chapters (6-8 depending on whether i cut this one incident or not) and i've written a lot for this too, so i'll probably be posting this one first. very basic synopsis: eddie jones is an expert in data retrieval. eddie jones is also on the run, and a very, very wanted man. maybe the most wanted fugitive in the galaxy. through an unfortunate twist of fate, romus burgin has been dragged along for the ride. andy haldane was a highly respected intergalactic officer, a captain loved by his men and the authorities above them alike. he also risked it all to aid in their escape. now, he's harbouring them both on his grandfather's old and battered ship, picking up a small ragtag team along the way. whilst they're trying to lay low, a distress call, with a code embedded into the message, is sent directly to the ship. one of the team recognises the code and realises it could only have come from one other person in the whole universe, someone asking for his help, someone he could never say no to. it's the worst time, possibly ever, for them to go on a rescue mission but somehow that's what they're doing.

then we have, an early 2000s battle of the bands au. this is mostly band of brothers, but a few people from one company in the pacific does have a role in the narrative, i'll leave that as a surprise though. basically, george luz enters his newly formed garage band into the campus annual battle of the bands competition, certain that they have a decent enough chance at winning. his bandmates disagree. especially after they see who they're up against. this is actually my other favourite to write at the moment! maybe even more so than the k-company space pirates one. it's a chaptered fic, but i'm trying to keep it contained and not super super long. i'm hoping to keep it at around 6-8 chapters max, but i have a bad habit of not sticking to my drafts, so we'll see. but yeah, i'm having a lot of fun with this and feel free to ask me about who the band members are and other roles that other characters will have!

call it fate, call it karma. aka, my 'eddie jones made it home from the war, but andy haldane did not' oneshot. i'm almost finished writing it, i just have a fair bit of editing to finish up.

the ballroom extravaganza. my winnix spy au! the intelligence officer to secret agent pipeline is too real and lew must suffer the consequences, i'm afraid! i've got this drafted and partially written as a two-shot but it's begging to be expanded on, so i've got it waiting in limbo right now, whilst i decide what i'm gonna do. someone make the decision for me please?

i have two male OCs that i've written for liebgott and nixon, if you wanna know more about them then i'm happy to talk about them and introduce them, but i'm not sure how much people would wanna know so i'll wait.

i have another OC based off a friend that i'm almost finished writing a thing for, i just have to change some things to fit the overall series better.

i also have a silly little thing that i wrote up bc i got depressed and hyperfixated on the tv show bondi rescue for the last two weeks resulting in me basically planning a whole bondi rescue lifeguard au for the pacific boys. i have no idea if anyone other than me would be into that so it'll probably stay in my scrivener files lmao

then i just have some vague gen kill things partially planned but they need a lot more work before they see the light of day lmao. but yes, they're all fucking bradnate. apart from the one bradnatemike thing that my brain begged me to consider, which i promptly gave in to right away.

anyway, sorry i know that was supposed to be an overview but it turned into a very long overview. oops.

[pirateshelby]

At least it’s storming the night they make her walk the plank.

It’s a silly thought, really: if anything, the storm only makes being thrown overboard more dangerous, makes it easier to be sucked beneath the waves and drown. The winds wail so loud that Shelby can barely hear her crewmates’ jeers and final words above them, blow so hard she thinks for a moment they’ll tip her over the edge prematurely. But despite the chaos and the terror, Shelby comes to appreciate the storm’s presence. Storms, after all, are great at hiding things, like the way her voice shakes when she addresses her (former) crew, or the tears that track down her cheeks beneath the lancing rain.

And when she survives the fall, survives the currents and the saltwater in her lungs, and washes ashore on a sandy strip of shore, clothes torn and ruined and hair tousled and caked in sand, she realises that there’s something else the storm can hide: her ruined reputation.

You see, there’s a special kind of dishonour to being a disgraced pirate captain. It’s a dangerous mantle to carry. If people knew Shelby’s crew had mutinied against her? Well, it would be a disaster! So there’s really only one thing she can do: deny it had ever happened.

Her ship had simply wrecked, is all, caught in a storm. Her crewmates are lost at sea and she is ever so worried about them. That’s why she’s building this pirate cove, you see—in hopes that one day she’ll find them, and they’ll have a safe place to live. Yes. Definitely. She’s not hiding anything! Why would she be hiding something?

“I’m a fearsome pirate,” she tells the witch down the way. “People from all over are scared of me!” 

“Oh, yeah, I got lost in a storm,” she tells the pretty sun princess. “I nearly drowned! I’m okay now though. And I’m really worried about my crew and all, but hey—I met you! I wouldn’t have met you if not for the storm!”

“Mmhm, it was my nemesis, Captain Skeletron,” Shelby tells the lorekeeper in her crypt. “I lost our epic battle, but don’t worry! I’ll be back. I won’t let him win. I’ll rescue my crew from his terrible wrath!”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve done lots of piratey things! Like steal. And plunder. But don’t worry, I won’t steal and plunder from you!” Shelby crosses her fingers behind her back and smiles at the Keeper of Sanctuary. “We’re neighbours! I’d never.”

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Shelby whispers to herself, standing on the shores of the Eversea, the beginnings of a secret pirate cove beginning to rise behind her. “Nobody ever has to know.”

[bermuda-n-drangle]

so for my followers not on the pulse of ffxiv i wanna share what's been happening lately

for context, new expansions typically add new classes/jobs. new info about upcoming expansions are usually revealed at fanfests.

yoshi p, the director, likes to hint to jobs ahead of revealing them by wearing a t-shirt at the fanfest just before the job's proper announcement that hints at it. eg. he's wearing a batman shirt one fanfest, he's unveiling dark night at the next. get it? it's normally pretty direct like that but one time he wore a spiderman shirt to tease samurai bc the trilogy was direct by sam raimi and community's trust has never fully recovered

anyway at a recent fanfest, first of all, we saw part of the trailer for the next expansion, and in what we saw:

the character representing the player is wearing a plain cloth robe over the rest of his outfit, suggesting that the clothes he's wearing is something we're not allowed to get a good look at yet

that character fighting a large enemy with a one-handed sword, getting knocked off guard, smirking, and then an abrupt cut away. this implies that he has a weapon besides the sword that, again, we're not allowed to see yet

a shot later where we can see most of what's under the cloak anyway and it looks extremely pirate-like

all this together strongly, strongly implies that the player guy's current job is one that's being added with the expansion, and that it's pirate themed, right? like its so clear that the full trailer, to be unveiled half a year, is gonna actually do a big cool reveal that the player guy is a cool new piratey job, everything logically points to that

then later in the keynote, yoshi p states the two new jobs are a melee and a caster. he then reveals the t-shirt he was wearing under his polo and it's got the teenage mutant ninja turtles on it

ninja is very much already in the game as a job, for the record

so, unless everyone has misread the trailer, and i really dont think we have, there's just two possible interpretations

the tmnt shirt is a hint towards something pirate-themed

the tmnt shirt is a hint towards some kind of wizard

both of these sound pretty absurd but one of them is correct

[kitakashi]

The Briney Deep

Kyo Soma x f!Reader

Pirate AU

Warnings: Piratey Things, Sword Fighting, Blood, Suggestive

Salt. Everything on this damn ship was wet and tasted like salt. It wasn't that Kyo necessarily minded salt, it was just EVERYWHERE. Stuck to his skin, built up under his nails, between his eyelashes, pasted into his scalp... He couldn't lick his lips without tasting it, or push his flaming orange hair out of his face without getting it in his eyes.

The hot sun beat down on the top deck, sweat dripping down his spine as he ran errands back and worth for the boatswain. Waves beat against the hull, ocean and ship dancing to a song Kyo had yet to learn. Only a few days at sea with the coastal patrol but the landsman had yet to earn his sea legs. He shivered as a particularly powerful swell crested the rails and soaked his already damp trousers.

The ship itself wasn't so bad, and neither was the sea when she was playing nice. He had barely gotten seasick, and Kyo's diligence in his swordsmanship training had given him better poise than most. It was one of the riggers, mates who scaled the masts and operated the ropes, who reminded him of his cousin that made Kyo almost wish to see land again.

Not only did they have the same silver hair, his attitude grated on Kyo's nerves. Damn kid was aloof, but the look he gave Kyo was that the orange haired man wasn't worth his time. The rigger, Kiryu, was exceptional at every task and respected by the crew. He could have gone up in ranks but preferred the freedom and heights no other position offered despite the immense danger. He was infuriating to Kyo, just like that damn Yuki.

"Ahoy, Carrots! Ye daft, swab?"

Kyo's head snapped to the sound of Kiryu's holler. The man hung from shrouds of the fore mast, directly over Kyo's position on the main deck.

Now having the attention of the landsman, Kiryu continued, "Cap'n said its time to weigh anchor. Help the mates raise the line. Savvy?"

"Aye," Kyo bristled, grinding his teeth and clenching his fists, feeling the salty grit on his palms. He hated taking orders, especially from the rigger. Swallowing his angry retort, the orange haired man set off for the pinrails squinting into the glaring sun.

Captain Vivekka Everly, of the notorious pirate ship the Scylla, stood in her cabin staring out the porthole at the crashing waves. Sighing heavily, the voluptuous woman pushed her short white hair behind her ears. Plopping into the velvet chair before her writing table, vivid teal orbs scanned the navigation maps absentmindedly. Spinning the caliper against the star chart, the young captain debated her options.

Unlike Naval officers, pirates used democracy to appoint their leaders. The crew chose who led them by popular vote. They voted on destinations and acted as jury for punishments. All in all, the captain only had power for as long as they had the respect of their crew. Experience, knowledge and talent certainly mattered but when the crew was full of violent thieves and murderers who weren't afraid to mutiny, a captain did their best to keep their people's interests at heart. Pirates had a code they lived by, or died by if they broke it. Honor among thieves and all that jazz.

Recently, her quartermaster and first mate, Y/n, seemed to have lost her spark. The two women had grown close after Y/n accepted her current position aboard the Scylla. Long hours pouring over sea charts, staring at the stars for navigation, counting coins and fighting at each other's backs. While the younger h/c would never admit it, Vivekka knew the dull look in her friend's eyes. For Y/n, the sea was losing it’s siren song.

During Vivekka's time as captain, well over a decade, she had seen a few of her crew from time to time, grow weary of life at sea. If she wanted to keep the talented Y/n aboard her ship, she would need to act fast. The next disembarkment could very well be Y/n's last if she didn't again find her love of the briney deep.

Kicking back the lushly lined chair, the captain threw her long legs up on the desk. The movement stirred one of the Scylla's cats. It opened one lazy eye and glared at the captain before ignoring her for more sleep. Captain Vivekka crossed both her feet and arms and contemplated.

On one hand, she could offer more share of the treasure to Y/n, and take less herself. Or they could take a break from treasure hunting and focus more on attacking lone coastal corvettes. Those small patrolling warships, while offering no golden cache, had maps, charts and logs that were valuable. Along with shipping routes and patrol schedules. While the crew aboard the Scylla weren't particularly bloodthirsty, sometimes a good fight was sufficient to get the pirate heart pumping again. The choice would be up to the crew, but Vivekka controlled the options.

Satisfied in her decision, Captain Vivekka Everly swiped her weathered embellished tricorn hat from its resting place and placed it snugly on her head. Bare feet hitting the floor as she stood, the white haired woman strode confidently from her quarters to gather her crew.

You stretched your arms out, lacing fingers together and palms to the sea. Groaning, you worked the kinks out of your stiff back and neck. The f/c bandanna wrapped around your head to hold your hair out of your eyes shifted, the ends fluttering over your shoulder to dance in the breeze. A deep breath expanded your lungs and drew a smile to your face. The gloriousness of the ocean filling your senses. Shutting your eyes, you absorbed the relative quiet the early dawn provided before the rest of the crew would awaken.

A lone seagull cawed, circling the masts. More would arrive the closer the ship got to the coast. The mates had finally agreed on a destination a few days prior. It was a relief, being the quartermaster meant breaking up fights. Disagreements between pirates was often bloody. Gratefully, nobody fed the fish.

The Scylla hunted for a lone patrol ship. An easy target, not meant for coffers but for navigation booty. Maps, routes-

"Sail ho! Avast! Cog off the starboard bow!" The lookout keeping watch from the crow's nest sang breaking through your thoughts.

A giddy tremor stirred your stomach, excitement making your toes wiggle against the wooden boards. Finally, some action! Taking leaping steps, you pounced on the stairs leading under the deck. A large bell hung from the wall, to be rang to bring the whole ship to attention. Reaching out for the weathered metal object, you shook it successfully startling everyone asleep in quarters. A cat lying near the archway on a barrel jumped, fur standing on end as it hissed at you.

"Awake, ye scallywags! All hands hoay!"

The grumbling quickly became shouts of excitement as the crew aboard the Scylla made quick to their posts. Unfurling the remaining sails to give chase to the coastal patrol ship. Loading the cannons. Aiming guns starboard. Not one idle mate.

Dancing over the ship's cats as they ran to get from underfoot, you made for the navigation quarters. As you reached for the handle, the door flew open. Not wasting a moment, the white haired captain made for the quarter deck to speak with the sailing master at the Scylla's wheel.

"Corvette 'bout 3 leagues out, Cap'n," the coxswain removed the spyglass and replied to Captain Vivekka's unasked question.

"Good," she turned, dark purple tailcoat flaring out behind her and teal eyes glittering, "ahoy, lass. Prepare the gunners. We board once grapplers hook. We draw the ship, secure those naval soldiers, pillage the papers and return. No need to scuttle her, but let the tar untie themselves."

You nod, "aye, aye, Cap'n," and drop to the main deck. Gesturing for a boatswain, you relay the captain's orders. Another mate sent to the gunners to prepare the cannons. Now you wait.

Once the ship came into view of the naked eye, rifle shots were fired into the air above the patrol vessel searching for the lookouts. A body dropped from their crow's nest. The yells of the men in Naval coats echoed as they started rushing frantic around the deck. A shot across the bow came from the cog.

You snorted, "late for a warning." For men in uniform, it looked like utter chaos. "This is why women should lead," you thought smugly, "far more organized and delegated."

"Fire in the hole!"

Internal gloating pushed aside by the mate's warning, as the belly of the Scylla rumbled firing the first cannon. The gunners had aimed for masts, sails, rigging and upper deck, not trying to sink the cog just disable her. 

"Blow 'em down, lassies, but giv'm quarter should they kneel," your order drew cheers from the action starved mates of the Scylla. You all had been craving a good fight.

At the Captain's command, the boarding party lined up along the rails, from poop deck to bow sprit, grappling hooks at the ready. Swashbucklers freeing their cutlass, pistols loaded. Marlinspikes, metal tools used in rigging, gripped in hand for those without weaponry. Sprays of sea water shot up as the Scylla rammed into the corvette's broadside.

The first of the Scylla's mates had already swung across the grapplers. You licked the salt from your lips as the boatswain drew the gangplank across both ship's decks. It was time to cross.

You watched as men in patriotic uniform cried insults and pleas, but none dropped to their knees. That was Captain Everly's special condition for quarter, they have to beg on their knees. The white haired young captain enjoyed the sight of crushed masculine pride. You had to admit, it felt nice when the misogynists recognized their lives were in your feminine hands.

A mate dragging two young cabin boys passed you, taking the young lads back to the Scylla. Children were always given quarter, if they didn't want to stay aboard the Scylla, they were free to leave at the next disembarkment.

Stepping off the gangplank, your bare feet touched the cog's deck. You grimaced, feeling the inferior planks that hadn't been sanded to accommodate bare feet. How the Naval tar wore boots without slipping was beyond you.

A noise drew your attention from inspection. Not many were left resisting. Most were bloodied and soon to be shark bait. Few had been tied to the masts, they must have submitted to their knees. A clash of metal rang from the cog's quarter deck. You scaled the ladder easily, finding the source of commotion.

One man, with bright orange hair, held back 3 of the Scylla's best swashbucklers with a short sword.

"Oh?" You cocked your head to the side, "well sink me, there be a Naval with talent?" Turning to the swashbucklers you sang out, "ye run'n a rig, lassies? Cleave'm to the brisket if he won't kneel."

The youngest of the 3 glared at the man, "ain't no rig, Quartermaster, this tar knows how to fight unlike the rest of the bilge-suckers," she spat the insult.

"Well, well," you stepped forward, "if that be the case, perhaps this dance be mine."

The Scylla lassies back-stepped, allowing you the space to duel. Taking one last glance, they split up to continue pillaging the cog.

"Come on then, lad, shiver me timbers," you taunted cheekily.

The orange haired man grit his teeth, then stuck forward. You parried, cutlass against short sword.

"You know there is nothing of value here, right?" He growled a little breathless.

"Booty is more than doubloons."

A look of confusion crossed his face, making him raise his bright orange brows. "What could be of use to pirates on a patrol ship?"

A sweep of his sword had you twirling off to the side just out of his reach. He dashed forward only to be parried by you again, but you didn't stop there. You reacted with a series of short rapid slashes. He stumbled backwards, almost tripping over some rigging on deck.

"Official papers cost many pieces of eight," you replied encroaching into his personal space. You were faster than he was, but you had to admit, the tar was talented.

"You know," he smirked kicking your legs out from under you, "its been a long time since I've faced a swordsman of your caliber. Pity you're a pirate."

Rolling, you evaded a downward strike of his blade. You flipped yourself backwards, kicking him in the face before landing on your feet.

"Yer the one without freedom, tar. The sea be me mistress, while she yer jailer."

He stopped at your words, rubbing his bruised jaw, thoughtful. You watched, circling him, the man amused you. You took this moment to inspect the man closer. Biting your lip, you fidgeted with your cutlass. He was quite handsome. Hair and eyes as bright as the sunset, jaw angled, nose sharp. Muscles rippled as he shifted his weight to keep you in view. 

"I didn't come to sea to be officer," he began, "I wanted freedom from my oppressive family."

You chuckled, "must be mighty oppressive for ye to choose the King's tar over yer own blood." He nodded. "They say blood of the coven be thicker than the water of the womb. Me coven be the Scylla."

"Scylla?" He questioned, still thoughtful, "is that your ship?"

"Aye."

"What does it take to be a pirate?"

The question almost made you drop your cutlass. "Blimey, the tar asking t'go on account?" A grin split your face from ear to ear. You liked him. "What be yer name, mate?"

He studied you a moment, the smirk reappearing on his handsome features. He sheathed his sword then knelt, "Kyo."

You laughed heartily, bending over at the waist. The lad had been paying attention when you had spoken to the swashbucklers. He knew to kneel. Wiping your eyes, you straightened. Holding the cutlass to his throat, you locked eyes with him. His amber orbs watching your e/c ones.

"It not be a decision for me to make, but," you batted his cheek with the flat side of your cutlass then sheathed your own weapon, "the Cap'n be fair... for a pirate," you added cheekily.

Looking around you saw that you had drawn a crowd. The mates were watching the spectacle unfold. It wasn't often a Naval tar asked to become a pirate. In fact, you'd never known it to happen personally.

Wiping out your pistol, you pointed it to Kyo's temple, "just a precaution, mate, no reason to hang the jib," you replied to the question in his eyes and frown on his face. The mates parted, allowing you to lead Kyo from the cog to the Scylla. As soon as you both had stepped off the gangplank the board was lifted.

Captain Vivekka walked the quarter deck, "weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! We got what we came for mates." The crew cheered as they pulled the rigging, allowing the sails to unfurl. A strong wind was blowing. She faced the coxswain, "bring a spring upon 'er, we aim for the briney deep!" The helmsman spun the wheel, turning the ship, leaving the cog behind. Once a few fathoms were between the Scylla and the corvette, Captain Vivekka stepped down to the main deck where you stood.

It wasn't often she dressed up, once out to sea you couldn't tell her from a mate by clothing alone. However, now they were close to shore and Navy ships. She looked regal and intimidating; her royal purple coat buttoned and laced with gold embellishments and the glaring noon sun highlighting her white hair under the tricorn captain's hat.

"What loot have ye plundered, Quartermaster?" Your Captain inquired inspecting Kyo.

"This tar knelt and asked t'go on account," you couldn't help your grin. Not only was the orange haired man handsome, he was a talented swordsman AND he respected your abilities in return. You really wanted to keep him, and crossed your fingers behind your back with your free hand.

"Oh?" Captain stepped forwards, sliding a long weathered hand under the man's chin, forcing him to look at her. "What makes ye believe yer worthy tar? I have full hands. What can ye do for me, knave? Answer well or you'll walk the plank."

Kyo gulped then cleared his throat, the salt sticking to his lips, "I was a swordsman before I came to sea. I boarded ship looking for freedom, but there be none under the King's ensign. If you'll have me, I'll lend you my arm for as long as the sea is willing."

She studied him a moment, approving of the fire in his eyes. Throwing her head back, she laughed the clapped Kyo heavily on the shoulder, shaking his frame.

"So serious, lad," the Captain's smile was infectious, she looked to you behind him. "Ye found one of the few not lily-livered," she winked at you, "next one be mine yer hear!" You holstered your pistol and nudged Kyo with your elbow. He looked at you, happy but confused. "Ye be answering to Y/n, the Quartermaster of the Scylla and my first mate. Pirates do things their own way, ye learn the code in time. I be fair, but expect hard work. I'll have none of me crew half-ass, savvy?"

He nodded at her, "aye, aye, Cap'n."

"Stand before the mast, I'll have ye oath now," she pointed to the center of the main deck.

The main mast towered overhead, but nothing at the base was eye catching. Brownish hand prints decorated the wood, where as the rest of the ship was relatively spotless. Some more visible than others, as time and salt water had faded them. As Kyo leaned forwards to inspect the marks, you pulled out a dirk and handed it him. He took it from you with questioning eyes.

"Yer oath be with yer own blood," you informed him, then placed a hand where you had made your own oath. You then stepped back to join the mates who had come to witness.

He understood immediately, slicing across his palm with the dirk. After spreading the blood to cover his hand, Kyo placed his hand on the mast. He then looked over his shoulder to Captain Vivekka.

"Say what's in yer heart, lad. The Scylla and her crew, not to me."

Closing his eyes he drew a deep breath. The salty ocean breeze filling him up, and for once it didn't annoy him. Seagulls cawed following the ship as she left the coast, a song to accompany the ritual.

"I swear me oath of loyalty to the Scylla and her crew. For freedom and me mistress, the lady of the briney deep."

Cheers erupted around Kyo and he opened his eyes. The pirate crew slapped him on the back one after the other. He had never felt such... belonging, and with people whose names he had yet to know.

"Alright, ye landlubbers, back to work before I keelhaul ye!" Spinning on her heel, Captain Vivekka crossed the deck to the navigation quarters and disappeared.

Kyo looked about the ship and crew he had just joined as they carried on with their tasks. Mostly female, but there were a few men aboard the Scylla. He looked you up and down, noticing your attire and figure now that he wasn't in battle. He'd never known a more beautiful and talented woman.

He scratched the back of his head, face reddening, "So... what now? Y/n, right?"

"Yer a pirate now, and me personal mate," his eyes widened at your declaration, and you quickly backtracked with a blush of your own. "I mean, yer me hand, like me own cabin boy but ye not a boy..."

Kyo's nose scrunched up as he chuckled, "I see. Well then, Quartermaster Y/n-"

"Y/n, is fine," you interjected, then looked away realizing your own forwardness.

The grin you received was worth the slight embarrassment. "Then, Y/n," he held out his bloodied hand and the dirk in the other, "shall we make an oath?"

You jolted in surprise. An oath? To each other? You stomach spun with a feeling you hadn't had since your first time at sea. Your legs quivered, and you locked your knees to keep upright. The afternoon sun was sweltering, but not the cause of your dilemma. The orange haired man before you was unknowingly stealing your heart. Which was only fair, as you unknowingly had pillaged his.

A little breathless, you reached for the dirk but he took your hand in his and lightly slid the dirk across your palm. Lacing his bloodied fingers with yours, he looked at you with a smile so bright the sun was dull in comparison.

"Y/n, I make an oath of loyalty to you. I will forever be in your debt for the freedom you have shown me. My quartermaster and my mate." His eyes sparkled mischievously. "I'll fight by yer side until Davy Jones takes me."

"Listen to ye, ye rapscallion," you playfully chastised him, "can't run a rig on an oath."

Kyo chuckled, shaking his head as the Scylla's cats purred and circled the two of you, rubbing up against his legs, "this be no trick."

"Nor trying to swing the lead?"

"I heard Cap'n," he squeezed your fingers with his own, "no half-ass'n."

"Better not be, I expect me mate be a fine swordsman until he old salt 'n can't hold a cutlass."

"I live and die by the sword, as I now live and die by the sea." Kyo's firm conviction and fighting spirit convinced you. He felt warm and alive, his pulse beating against your hand.

"Alright then," you took a shaky breath, salty air of your mistress the sea filling your lungs. "For as long as ye be true, this lass be loyal to ye as well."

Waves crashed over the rails and dampened Kyo's trouser legs. He shivered, but not from the icy water. Salt stuck to his skin, built up under his nails, between his eyelashes and pasted into his bright orange hair. He licked it off his lips; the sea tasted of freedom. Staring into Kyo's sunset orbs, you squeezed his bloodied hand. Your heart felt lighter than ever as the siren song of the briney deep echoed within your soul.

[coldercreation]

I am actually so looking forward to enjoying what you write next (because I know I will enjoy it everything you have written has been AHmazing) everything in the CYE universe has a very special place in my heart and will probably always be reread when I’m feeling sad but I also loved the little hybrid snippet you did before and I think a piratey sea thing would be literally so cool!!! And I would love to see how your excessive bitch ™️ would handle it!! Also I may be a little partial but your omegaverse is literally so amazing so seeing that in a piratey setting would be a literal dream! Also I saw you talking about little snippets that you might write, would you be thinking about writing those after CYE is over or have you already written some? Because my interest is officially Peaked at the idea of the pack meeting Nats family. Anyways sorry this was a little long but I love your writing and no matter what I think what you write next will be absolutely amazing!!!

Thank you so much for such an encouraging message aaaa, it means so much!! I'm really glad you've liked the work I've posted, and the characters and my takes on the universes!

And this just reminded me that I did, in fact, write that prompted hybrid story!!? And that I'm still in love with my sweet n growly lil Wren!!😻 I should go read my own story, maybe I've forgotten it enough that it'll feel like someone else wrote it loll

I currently haven't written anything new yet, I'm using the days between posting CYE to do the final edits and fixes. So anything new is waiting until CYE is all wrapped, which is... kinda soon aaaaa *crisis intensifies*

Mann never apologise for long messages, that's literally the opposite of a problem! Like, a huge thank you for taking the time to write to me??! I always get excited when I get any comments or messages (and I'm currently feeling so bad for not being able to keep up with said comments on CYE or asks here on the blog... :'( ) and whenever it's something longer I'm just hyped hehe!

Thank you so much again, for messaging and for keeping up with this story and all that. I really means a lot xx

[artnerd1123]

Nettles’ Character Sheet

it’s been 500 years since i did one of these, but! undercut it goes~

Character Chart Character’s full name: Nettles Nimue Willoweep Reason or meaning of name: Nettles comes from the plant! Since nettles sting, I was originally planning on having her be a lot more prickly. She still is kinda pokey now, tbh. “Willoweep” is just “weeping willow” but smashed together. It’s for the Aesthetic™. Nimue refers to the “lady of the lake” in the legend of king arthur, and because I thought it sounded cool. important to note is that she made up her current name herself, for story reasons Character’s nickname: none (aiden calls her various pet names later), though some people might attempt to call her captain willow. it doesn’t end well.  Reason for nickname: she just doesn’t care for nicknames much, (Aiden’s the exception because they’re overly sappy/joke around a lot with each other later) and she used to be a pirate captain- but isn’t anymore  Birth date: March 28th Sexuality: queer  Gender/pronouns: genderfluid, she/her (occasionally they/them)

Physical appearance Age: 37 How old do they appear: probably around that. Maybe a smidge older. Weight: still have no clue how weight works! She’s got plenty of muscle mass tho :V Height: 5’11” Body build: thinner frame but with plenty of muscle. She’s strong as frick, and more like a steel rod than a stick. plenty buff :3 Shape of face: i still don’t know how to answer this question lsdkjfs, but she’s got a longer face w/ a sharpish chin  Eye color: pale green! Glasses or contacts: neither Skin tone: light brown (african american?) + seafarer’s tan on top of it  Distinguishing marks: she’s got so many scars. So many. The most notable ones being “ligature” marks on her right wrist, and a burn on her neck/left shoulder. Predominant features: her hair is p eyecatching for sure Hair color: emerald/leafy green Type of hair: curly coils  Hairstyle: currently has it in dreadlocks (they look a lil vinelike!), parted to the right  Voice: Jess Glynne - Thursday (but can also sound piratey) Overall attractiveness: strong ex-pirate plant lady,,, pretty in a rugged kind of way,,, ough,,,  Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: pirate, but make it shades of brown/green and a bit less flashy Favorite outfit: dark brown “vest” (actually a dress top she tore the skirt off of) with green accent around front laces, cream off-the-shoulder shirt w/ green accent trim and flowy sleeves, dark brown pants, tan boots w/ straps and gold buckles, large belt w/ gold buckle  Jewelry or accessories: black hoop earrings, an emerald leaf shaped cloak clasp, and a staff made of woven grass (which can turn into a sword)

Personality Good personality traits: generally levelheaded, unafraid to tell people things when needed, determined, patient, ‘do no harm but take no shiz’ mentality, not usually quick to judge, generally easygoing, v dedicated to those she considers family, thinks well under pressure, gives good advice (most of the time), can be p charismatic Bad personality traits: tends not to have much foresight, can come across as aloof, really bad about opening up, keeps too much to herself despite tryna get better abt it, can sometimes overlook traits in favor of just being allies/friends, a lil too willing to get into a fight sometimes, can be too headstrong, lies easily to get out of things Mood character is most often in: contemplative Sense of humor: very dark, likes to playfully tease those she cares about, loves really long jokes, can get a bit crass on occasion Character’s greatest joy in life: currently her forest (teaching journal comes close second some days) Character’s greatest fear: her past coming back to bite her Why? She’s not so much scared of people finding out who she used to be, more uneasy about people using it against her. She doesn’t want people to walk out of her life, but like, if they do, she wouldn’t blame em. She just doesn’t wanna get thrown under the bus for what she did back during pirate days, and accused of being something she isn’t (at least, not anymore.) What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Losing journal, tbh. She already lost everything- including family- once. She’s not willing to walk down that road again. Character is most at ease when: out among her plants, or chillin in a tavern Most ill at ease when: near the ocean in any capacity Enraged when: people threaten her loved ones/home/etc, people hurt others due to prejudice, people cause destruction in her forest Depressed or sad when: thinking of her old crew, ruminating in her memories for too long, near the ocean, an old tree dies Priorities: keeping the forest safe, producing enough lucrative plants/herbs so she has on hand pocket money, making sure journal’s alright/settling in/has the help he needs if she’s not around to give it Life philosophy: everyone gets their comeuppance eventually, but that doesn’t mean you sit back and wait. Go knock some sense into em if they need it. Take care of people worse off than you, too. A bit of help gets people a long way. If granted one wish, it would be: to have turned back in that storm instead of charging on. Why? Half her crew wouldn’t be dead. She could’ve actually retired instead of stepping down due to catastrophic failure. Her familiar would be alive. Y’know, normal reasons. Character’s soft spot: plants, gold, shiny things, kids Is this soft spot obvious to others? Plants, definitely. The other things you’ll notice if you’re around her long enough Greatest strength: making a decision and seeing it through Greatest vulnerability or weakness: absolutely hates/has a really hard time opening up to other people  Biggest regret: rushing headlong into a storm she had no hope of conquering Minor regret: not travelling inland more when she was a pirate (not a huge deal to her, but it woulda been nice) Biggest accomplishment: either successfully maintaining a ship/captain’s title for ten years, or nurturing her forest from a wildfire charred landscape into a thriving woodsy landscape. Minor accomplishment: finding out how to return gold (if she stole it on accident) without being too weird about it Past failures they would be embarrassed to have people know about: she likely has a ton from her early pirating days. Learning to be a pirate wasn’t super easy all the time Why? She likes to think she’s a competent pirate now, don’t bring that stuff up, thank u v much Character’s darkest secret: dark magic has tempted her many, many times. It still does sometimes. And she almost gave in on a few of those occasions. Does anyone else know? No. they won’t, if she has anything to say about it.

Goals Drives and motivations: moving on aka shoving her past in a closet, being able to keep her forest/new loved ones safe, gold Immediate goals: keep up with her trade partners and her “cash gardens,” check the forest for abnormalities, make sure journ doesn’t need anything that day (and help if he do) Long term goals: keep the forest healthy, keep journal on the right track, continue expanding her budding network of plant trading, hopefully make some more actual progress with her issues How the character plans to accomplish these goals: keep up the “forest guardian” role, send letters to journ/visit him, meet more people, and learn to properly open up. And. y’know. Maybe steal some gold here n there as needed. How other characters will be affected: positively for her loved ones/partners! And maybe possibly probably negatively for those she doesn’t like. Perhaps.

Past Hometown: didn’t have a “town.” lived on ships/ports for her whole life till pirating Type of childhood: unstable, tbh. She was the kid of some merchant questors. Thus, she was always travelling around. Not much time to make/maintain friendships, bond with her parents, or do much besides help out. Any goofing off probably got her yelled at. Her headstrong nature meant she didn’t take kindly to that, so she ran away at 15. Pets: none First memory: the sound of waves. It’s something she’ll never forget, no matter what. Most important childhood memory: seeing pirates in the distance during a trade route! Scary, but she was also in awe of em Why: those pirates inspired her runaway swashbuckling plans when she was a teen! They also showed her an alternative to the dull merchant’s way of fulfilling questor urges. Childhood hero: probably some super well known pirate from a legend a book she smuggled onboard Dream job: anything that wasn’t being a merchant (turned into pirate tho) Education: really good at math, reading, keeping records, and reading the ocean. All thanks to her parents/seabound life! She taught herself plant magic rlly early on, and also learned a lot more things pirating (swordfighting, how to manage a crew, which quests are the most profitable, etc) Religion: Finances: parents took care of childhood finances. She was treasure/stolen loot funded until pirating crashed and burned in her late teen/early adult years~

Present Current location: forest outside Journal’s town. It spans many miles. Currently living with: herself :V Pets: none Religion: Occupation: forest guardian, plant merchant, magic mentor Finances: merchant life pays well enough when she needs it. And, like, she still goes and loots places from time to time. Just keep it quiet, m’kay?

Family Mother: Danielle Chamelea Teritip Relationship with her: though she was v busy, her mother always did her best to keep her daugher on track. She’s the one who pushed nettles really hard to learn, and to focus on becoming a better merchant than entertaining other fantasies. Their relationship wasn’t terrible, but nettles never felt her mom’s approval of her personal goals- just the future her mom wanted. Father: Albus Troise Teritip Relationship with him: he was also very busy, but always took the time to teach her little tricks and tips of the trade. He was also sorta pushy about her becoming a merchant. He never even seemed to notice her pulling away to other fantasies. Why would she? After all, your kid’s gotta carry on the family business. What else would she be doing? Siblings: Relationship with them: Spouse: Relationship with them: Children: Relationship with them: Other important family members: if found family counts, which it does, that’ll be journal! Later in the plot, it expands to fit aiden/roo/seraph/ruffy. In her past, her crew would all have been here

Favorites Color: green. Any shade. Surprising, i know Least favorite color: beige. Boring color, no thank u >:V Music: sea shanties!!! Also likes metal, some pop, and has a fondness for violin/flute music Food: a p p l e s. Also fond of any produce she can eat raw. And crabs. Lov the cronch. Literature: prefers oral stories to reading. But like, history is super interesting to her. Form of entertainment: oral storytelling, showing off (or watching someone show off) magic, stupid tavern karaoke Expressions: loves that devilish smirk of “oh no, they’re up to something bad, hold onto your valuables.” also enjoyable is that eyebrow raise of “did you really just do that? Really? That?” with a deadpan face. Peak expressions. Mode of transportation: swinging/parkouring around through the trees via plant magic and vines, like tarzan, except the vines yeet him instead of swinging sometimes Most prized possession: her staff. She’s had it for years, through good and bad, and it’s not going anywhere. May or may not also have a feather in her cloak clasp for… reasons.

Habits Hobbies: gardening, swordfighting, people and/or birdwatching, storytelling, being extra as all frick every so often so people don’t forget u can and will take them the frick out, applepicking Plays a musical instrument? nope! Plays a sport? Does swordfighting count? How they would spend a rainy day: either inside a town building, tavern, or little canopy of leaves in the forest. Depending on the setting, she’ll just have casual conversations or peoplewatch. Or, if she’s in the forest, she’ll entertain herself with vivid storytelling. Sometimes she’ll jus watch whatever crawled into her dry canopy with her. Or bug journal with excessive letters. Anything chill slkdfjs Spending habits: if she can grow/make/wash it herself, she’s not buying. Spends more gold on trips to town restaurants/taverns than anything else, but it’s chill. ‘S not like she has rent to pay :V Smokes: nope Drinks: rum, of course. What kinda pirate do u take her for??? Also wouldn’t mind whiskey. Drinks a lot less now than she used to. Other drugs: nope What do they do too much of? Being a local cryptid What do they do too little of? Opening up to other human beings instead of plants Extremely skilled at: reading a room, cutting to the chase, sword-and-regular-fighting, plant magic, teaching, stealing/pickpocketing, thinking on her feet Extremely unskilled at: planning ahead, knowing when she should really let things be instead of starting smth, letting her loved ones fight their own fights (she’ll try and step in at least once) Nervous tics: going silent, putting a hand over her mouth, staring really hard at nothing, holding her staff close, squeezing anything in hand (usually her staff end) Usual body posture: holds herself loosely but confidently. Has the air of someone who knows what’s going on, and is at ease wherever. Mannerisms: usually blunt, teases those she cares about (unless told not to), makes hand motions when explaining things, speaks in a more “normal” voice most of the time but can occasionally slip into a piratey accent when angry/upset, tends to unconsciously mimic the accents of those around her if she’s in a new setting, likes to sit back and watch until she judges herself to be “familiar” enough with what’s up Peculiarities: the smell of a lotta salt can sometimes upset her, she’s an extrovert but spends most of her time in the woods/outskirts of towns, she’s still very superstitious from her pirate days

Traits Optimist or pessimist? Tends to err on the side of pessimism nowadays Introvert or extrovert? Big extrovert! She’ll spend time just hanging around places people are if she feels too drained, and really loves spending time with those she cares about Daredevil or cautious? Daredevil with an air of caution about her Logical or emotional? Likes to think she’s more logic based, and acts it, but she’s very emotional driven when it comes down to it Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Very neat, actually! You wouldn’t know it unless u got her to live inside tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Prefers working or relaxing? Mix of both. Enough work so she’s not bored, but enough relaxing so she’s not stressed :V Confident or unsure of themself? Confident for the vast majority of the time. Animal lover? She’s definitely fond of em!!! :D

Self-perception How they feel about themself: eh, she’s alright. It fluctuates some days, but tends to rest firmly in the “I’m fine, and if I’m not, I’ll fix it for tomorrow” realm. If it does fluctuate, she either feels like a traitor/liar, or a cunning bada$$ One word the character would use to describe self: survivor One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: “I’m Nettles, Nettles Willoweep. I’m a thirty seven year old sorceress who likes plants more than people. Well, that’s a lie. But it is easier to deal with foliage sometimes. I used to be a pirate a long time ago. Not so much nowadays, but that’s not to say I won’t bend a few rules in a pinch. I do what I need. After all, who’s gonna miss a few coins here and there? Certainly not the other families I slip em to. But uh, hey, don’t go spreading that around. I’ve got a reputation to upkeep.” “I guess I’m a bit of a benevolent local cryptid? Whatever that means. Journal tells me it’s a good thing, and I’ll believe him for now. I’m certainly doing what I can to take care of people who need it, and I’d give my right arm to help those I’m close to. Yeah, my blood runs a little hot sometimes, but that hasn’t changed my whole life. I just wanna see my plants and people prosper, and maybe get some gold on the side.” “... ah, right, hobbies. Gardening, forest guarding, fighting with swords, birdwatching… lots of stuff. As long as I’m not spending all my time slogging through old wounds, i’ll call it a good day.” What does the character consider their best personality trait? Her dedication What does the character consider their worst personality trait? How easily she brushes off concern What does the character consider their best physical characteristic? Not sure! She likes her body, and has no complaints abt it. Maybe her hair or how limber she still is :V What does the character consider their worst physical characteristic? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ How does the character think others perceive them: she thinks the general public perceives her as shady but mostly benevolent. She thinks her loved ones perceive her as blunt, but caring. Both of these are fair analyses, by her thought. What would the character most like to change about themself: make it so she could forgive herself easier, and admit to others that she needs a hand

Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: people are easily tricked and dumb. Individuals can be p nice tho. Does the character hide their true opinions and emotions from others? She’s one of those people where, in certain situations, you’re never gonna be sure if she’s being sarcastic/truthful or not. She does it more regularly than she would like, but less so with close friends Person character most hates: i could put some old rival of hers here. Unfortunately, ‘herself’ works better :( Best friend(s): she’s very good friends with several bartenders, but especially the one in journ’s town. She’s hit it off quite nicely with a nomad who passes through every couple weeks or so, too. Journal is also a “best friend,” but like, in a mentee/kid kind of way Love interest(s): aiden, later ;3 Person character goes to for advice: bartender bffs Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: journal journal journal journal jo- Person character feels shy or awkward around: nobody :V Person character openly admires: *insert several pirates/legendary sorcerers/questors/casual hard workers in towns here* Person character secretly admires: eh. Probably aiden for a bit. Wink wonk lskjdfs Most important person in character’s life before story starts: technically journ counts here? But if not, just herself. After story starts: journal for sure

[storyworldofem]

So apparently this gorgeous beautiful post inspired me to rant/ramble. So here we go.

Everyone (including me) is wishing to be a pirate in a high fantasy world right now, and lots of us are also writing pirate stories.

And I'm not at all mad or worried that my novel won't stand out among them all.

Like, genuinely not even mad.

I understand why writers would be worried about writing "trendy" topics, and also why lots of writers are likely to write about pirates right now because they are "trendy".

But I think most of us are just genuinely, deeply, sincerely, wholeheartedly wanting to be pirates.

I remember being annoyed and frustrated back when vampires were the THING and how everyone were just writing about vampires and nothing else. And then werewolves came and went and I kinda rolled my eyes. And when dystopia became the only genre for a while I had the same frustrated, sort of angry reaction.

But pirates have been my thing since I was a chubby little toddler and saw Peter Pan for the first time, and they've continued being my thing all my life.

(Hell, I even had a pirate themed graduation party when I got my bachelor's degree. It was the best. There was a skull made of cauliflower and everyone dressed up, and then we watched pirate movies.)

Through Pirates of the Caribbean and Our Flag Means Death and all the other million pirate shows and movies and books and every other media, pirates have become OUR thing.

Becoming fictional pirates for a while helps us feel some semblance of control and freedom in our lives that don't always feel like they're fully ours to live.

I've been escaping to pirate princess fantasies since I was a tiny little kid who wasn't invited to birthday parties and who was weak and small and scared of everything. In those fantasies I fought snake kings (because I was deathly afraid of snakes as a kid) and ruled my own pirate island where everyone were friends and nobody was left alone. And of course Peter Pan and the lost boys (and the secret group of assassin lost girls who were just never talked about because they were Peter's secret weapon) were there and helped me fight evil pirates. Those daydreams are still so vivid in my mind and influence my writing to this day.

So I'm not mad that pirates are so popular.

I'm more like, "FINALLY! YES! This is what my whole life has been building up to!"

At some point my pirate daydreams ended as I grew up, but a few years ago I started daydreaming about my own piratey novel that I'm currently writing. And now, because of the fandom world's collective adoration for pirate tales has grown stronger than ever, I'm getting so much inspiration from everywhere around me and it is like this book is now writing itself.

I'm so freaking excited about all the new pirate stories that will appear everywhere soon.

Because the way I see it, we all deserve to see ourselves in a pirate story.

There can never be too many pirate stories because each one is written for a different kind of person. Now, hopefully, everyone will be able to find the story that makes them become a pirate, too.

Escapism is a beautiful thing. And it's even more beautiful when we can all escape this terrible world together.

The more pirates the merrier.

wish i was a pirate in a high fantasy world

[nirikeehan]

Ice cream meme: tuxedo strawberry for Phaedra, bacon ice cream for Thalia

TUXEDO STRAWBERRY: a well-dressed headcanon (any headcanon about clothes).

Sooo Phaedra Darkstar is my SWTOR PC, who is a Sith Warrior who's currently questioning everything she knows.

This is definitely reflected in her wardrobe choices. She had very long, tightly braided hair in an updo for a long time. Then queue the stuff on Rishi and she cut it all off for a shorter, edgier look. This was supposed to be for "undercover" purposes but she liked it so much she kept it. Also she has recently tossed out her very Sith-y looking robes for something far less conspicuous – she was wearing some piratey garb for awhile on Rishi and recently changed into an outfit that I think makes her look like a guerrilla fighter. All of this is a method of pulling away from towing the Sith line, a rift that's been growing for awhile (she basically trusts no Sith aside from herself, not even Lana – because sooner or later they all try to kill her!)

Who knows what Knights of the Fallen Empire will bring!

BACON ICE CREAM: a “what were you even thinking” headcanon.

I mean. I have high key headcanon that Thalia never stops carrying a torch for Blackwall even though she marries Cullen. Like, ladies, don't marry a man if you're actively pining for another, no matter how hard he friendzones you in the Trespasser DLC.

Full list of questions!

[stilljumpingback]

(via Black Sails Episode 408 - XXXVI)

BLACK SAILS 408 FRAGMENTED THOUGHTS

Billy told Woodes Rogers that he would find Avery’s journals in Flint’s cellar.  How in the world did Billy know they were there?  Never mind, I can imagine that the MOMENT Billy had control of Flint’s house as a home base, he scoured through every single one of his possessions.

I do admire Rogers for making his ambivalent feelings for Billy very clear by almost shooting him in the head.

Silver asks Flint what lies beyond the war, afraid that, “What if the result of this war isn’t beyond the horror?  What if it is the horror itself?”  The answer Flint gives is one of the most beautiful lines in the show.

“If we are to truly reach a moment where we might be finished with England, cleared away to make room for something else, there most certainly lies a dark moment between here and there.  A moment of terror where everything appears to be without hope.  I know this.  But I cannot believe that that is all there is.  I cannot believe we are so poorly made as that, incapable of surviving in the state to which we are born, grown so used to the yoke that there can be no progress without it.”

Flint is, at heart, an optimist.  This is why he is so compelling a protagonist.  Even when he’s doing horrible things, even when he loses his hope, we know that it’s there – a belief that something better than what currently exists can be attained.  God, I love him.

Flint has no aspirations to be king, making explicit his apparent lack of concern about Silver’s new title.  He sees Silver and Madi as leaders of the New Nassau, leaving us to understand that perhaps he is once more dreaming of walking inland to a place in which oars are mistaken for shovels…or dying in the process of getting them their power.

Which, okay.  Is Silver the best of them?  Really?  I’ve never really been a huge Silver stan, so…am I missing something?  The Madi love I entirely agree with (“She’s as wise as her father, she’s as strong as her mother”), but this statement about Silver seems hyperbolic.

“Why are you doing this?  Talking about us like it’s a thing?  A future?  I don’t know who broke it first, but it broke.  And there ain’t no putting it back together again.”

I love Anne’s honesty, and later we learn that Max does too!

“The defense of civilization is not your responsibility, sir!” shouts government lackey, which made me realize that Woodes Rogers and Flint are fighting a war of ideals, while people like this dude and Max are all, “Okay, but what about making money and just staying alive?”

I love Flint’s eye twitches as he evaluates Billy’s survival and what this means for him.

By openly defying Flint’s orders, Silver is testing whether or not Flint actually trusts Silver the way Silver has trusted Flint.  Based upon Flint’s infinitesimal head shake and body scan of disgust, things don’t look good.  Kudos to Silver, I guess, for really believing that Flint will eventually come to see his side of things because of their partnership and friendship.

The minor characters are getting some extra time!  We’ve got Mrs. Mapleton, Mrs. Hudson, Ben Gunn, Mr. DeGroot, Idelle, and even a mention of Charlotte!

Anne being unable to slice bread on her own is such a perfect scene of a powerful person made weak.

“Despite the world reminding her every day of her life that she’s undeserving of being given anything by it, that she was unworthy of what little she’d managed to take from it – despite all that, she never believed a word of it.  That woman has been fighting the whole goddamn world since the day she was born.  She’s a breath away from winning that fight.  For whatever reason, she wants to share the spoils with you, and you’d walk away.”

Idelle puts her hatred of Anne away because of her love of Max.

Grandma Guthrie and Max have the same conversation James and Thomas once did about civilization needing the pirates.

Max has officially replaced Eleanor, even if this is “the wrong river, the wrong woman.”  She has everything Eleanor fought for.  How lovely that later, Max doesn’t boast of this to Anne, but admits that Eleanor tried to teach her one final lesson – that all the power in the world isn’t worth anything if there is no love.

Grandma Guthrie lays out the profound limitations of a woman’s power in this world, that even the most intelligent woman has to hide herself behind a man in order to wield it.  But being reminded of all “the humiliations and the sacrifices and the defeats and the illusions maintained at so great a cost to your sense of self” inspires Max to make a bold decision – she says no, because she doesn’t want to risk being unable to be with Anne.

“You are the bravest person I have ever known.  The truest person I have ever known.  And I betrayed you, and it sickens me.  I am so sorry for working so hard to protect the wrong things, for failing to see that there is nothing important that does not include you.”

Now THAT is an apology.  Every episode makes me like Max more and more!

When Anne extends her brutalized hand toward Max, she is offering her the most vulnerable part of herself.  Reminds me of season 2, when she bares her scarred back to both Max and Jack when asking them to join in a new relationship with her.  She leads with vulnerability, which is amazing for such a taciturn, gruff woman.

TREASURE ISLAND!!  It’s getting piratey up in here!

I love that Silver tells Israel Hands that there is no hidden message about not killing Flint – he learned his lesson from season 2 when he accidentally ordered his fellow plotters to murder someone.

And Israel Hands obeys, even saving Flint and Dooley when they steal the cache, because he wants Silver to see Flint for what he is.  What he is is a mastermind, WHY DOES ANYONE STILL QUESTION HIM?  He’s made it clear that he will save both the cache and Madi, and why does Silver feels this is so unlikely?  C’mon, keep up your blind trust!

I’ll give Silver this, though.  He’s brave to offer himself to Woodes Rogers in order to protect Madi.  Even if I hate that his admission that he’s sent men to kill Flint must make Billy feel so smug.

[darkfire359]

@twelvemonkeyswere @chuplayswithfire

The take that all the show’s characters are racist because it’s the 1700s is a fair point—I’d certainly been thinking of characters as assumed non-racist until proven otherwise. But it’s definitely implied that a lot of the crew are at least somewhat sexist (though only in obviously comedic ways) during the e4 conversation with Jim. We’re also frequently reminded of how all of the nobility and/or navy are constantly VERY racist—though that seems to be contrasted with the show’s portrayal of “pirate culture”, especially given how the the British officers’ rude remarks towards Frenchie piss off Jim in e1 and cause the rest of the pirates to attack. 

Izzy though is not actually that piratey, having an unusual attachment to hierarchy, honor, and general proper procedure that definitely hints at a navy background. Given that, it’s fair to assign him a higher baseline assumption of racism, and I could believe that the labor assignments when he was captain were racially motivated. I’d be even more likely to believe that appointing Black Pete as his first mate was racist, given that I currently have no idea why he did it. If he was going off of competence or how much he liked/respected them, he’d pick Ivan. If he was picking a Revenge member to be popular with the crew, he’d pick Olu. But it still seems like even a racist Izzy ought to pick Buttons over Pete, given that Izzy seemed to respect Buttons for spotting the Spanish in e4 while he was smacking Pete in the same episode (plus Buttons has first mate experience already). So who knows. 

However, even if I were to work from a 100% confident decree that Izzy is a racist, I STILL would be highly doubtful that his attitude towards Ed stems from racism. He has so many reasons to otherwise want to make Ed be a tough pirate captain, and his only other option—other than trying to function with the Revenge’s current state, which he couldn’t manage even before the crew mutinied against him and Ed announced “Why are we even being pirates?”—is to leave Ed entirely. Which he tried to do in e4, until Ed pulled him back with an empty promise and an “I need you here,” (TBH I’m inclined to believe Izzy wasn’t going to permanently leave even then, given what a drama queen he is), but which fundamentally something he never wants to do, given how much he prioritizes (his own twisted version of) “loyalty to his captain”. 

To me, saying that Izzy treats Ed the way he does because he’s racist seems reductive to his character to the point of saying something like... idk, that Biden decided he wanted to be president because he liked the white house’s coffee machine. Even if the claim (”Izzy is racist” / “Biden likes the white house’s coffee”) is true, it would be a drop in the ocean compared to everything else, and it seems unfathomable to think that things would turn out differently if the initial claim was false. 

And people’s mental reasoning totally matters for determining racism! If they would treat someone equivalently regardless of race, they’re not being racist—at least in the way that I think it’s useful to define the word. Otherwise you could take a D&D session where some dice coincidentally happen to roll 20s for white people and 1s for black people and say that the dice are racist (alternatively, consider a person who makes all decisions based on dice rolls). Like, you can totally choose to use the word like that... but then that means you’ve destroyed the meaning of the word “racism” as either a causal explanation or as something morally wrong. 

That’s why I brought up some black villains I like; because for me, the answer to “Why do I defend and minimize the aggressive acts of white male characters” is the same reason why I defend and minimize the aggressive acts of black female characters—because alt takes are fun, and because as a personal flaw I often unavoidably go “Mmm it’s a well-written villain yessss” when they come up. Obviously I can’t speak for all Izzy apologists, but I suspect that many are in the same boat.

“Defend and minimize” might be an overstatement though. Among other things, Izzy is verbally and occasionally physically abusive to the crew, is a bad friend (given his ??? reaction to Ed’s suicidal ideation and the fact that Ed literally doesn’t think Izzy is his friend), and says things (”I wish I would have let the English kill you,”) that you should NEVER say to someone you care about. Regardless of how much Izzy may view himself as a jilted lover, Ed has every right to leave him, and I actively think that Ed should choose Stede and softness.

But his motives still make a difference. On my first watch, I laughed as Izzy cried during Stede/Ed’s stabbing, the same way I did when Lucius got the better of him, because I perceived Izzy as a plain old homophobe getting screwed over. On rewatches, I saw the tragedy—Izzy’s jealousy of people who can be proudly queer and emotionally vulnerable, the very things so he adamantly denies to himself. Similarly, I now see his anger and cruelty towards others in a different light, seeing that his belief in the necessity of harshness/violence is so fervent that he would celebrate that same violence being done to himself. It doesn’t make any of Izzy’s actions right or acceptable—just understandable and worthy of empathy.

Izzy Hands is Kylo Ren: Or, An Informal Exploration of Fandom's Proclivity Towards Minimizing and Sympathizing with White Male Violence

i brought this undertaking upon myself by putting this thought out there (and getting cursed with the knowledge that this take makes izzy/ed reylo) without my full intent to write the post. my being cursed is my own fault, my own cross to bear, my own self made misery. however, i'm going to make this analysis EVERYONE'S problem now because jokes on all of us, i wrote the post.

notes for readers: this meta is just under 6500 words. i have tried to divide it into thematic sections determined by bolded lines. sometimes i will reiterate previous points with expanded discussion because i always have more to say. big thanks to @dragonzair @plotdesigner and @twelvemonkeyswere

so to get the ground work settled: obviously izzy hands is not identical to kylo ren, given that he is not the fallen son of heroes, nor directly a key figure of a fascist empire. however, in the context of our flag means death and its fandom, particularly the portion that favors izzy and takes him at his word without examining the underlying context of his scenes and dynamics with other characters, there is a LOT of similarity between the ways that the two characters enact violence, and in the way the fandom response is geared towards sympathizing with these two characters for said violence while also and minimizing their responsibility for it.

i'll start with kylo ren because this won't be an exhaustive analysis of that character, mostly due to 1) i dont really like star wars 2) this isn't about star wars its about how this specific character kinda swept through peoples brains,,, but, kylo ren is a white man with a lot of power who demonstrates little interest in controlling his emotions (makes them the burden of other people), violates the boundaries of other characters, betrays those closest to him while blaming them for that betrayal, and violently lashes out when circumstances and situations don't go his way. he torments Rey, the female lead of the sequel trilogy, both physically through torture and emotionally through continuous attempts at manipulation.

a significant portion of the star wars sequel trilogy fanbase sympathizes with him to an excessive degree, denying his responsibility for his actions, blaming his parents and uncle Luke (despite the fact that he's like thirty) for his choices, minimizing his responsibility for his actions and at times minimizing the extent of his violence, even when its on screen. a tactic often used for this is displacing kylo ren's violence onto the leading man of color, finn, in an effort to make finn look like the real misogynist, the real villain, the real tormenter, all so that kylo can walk away looking better.

this is because pretty much all of western media is geared towards asking the audience to sympathize with white men. with white violence. with (white) emotional expression as violence.

we see this in american cop shows a lot, where we the audience are prompted to sympathize with violent cops violating the law because they just feel so much about the crime, it touches them so emotionally that they can't help but rough up a suspect who's been accused of such a horrible thing (this is essentially the bread and butter of chicago pd but that's another story). it's this idea that violence isn't just violence, violence is sympathetic and an expression of emotion, and it's understandable, and it happens, and critically, of course, all of this is  only if the perpetrator is white or acting in service to whiteness.

kylo ren murders his father, and people talk about how sad it is he lost his dad. kylo ren destroys planets, and we talk about how sad it is that his uncle wanted to kill him for seeing he would grow up to destroy planets. kylo ren tortures and torments rey and we get posts about how it symbolizes her womb and their sexual congress (god i wish i was joking).

kylo ren is a dream boy to huge swaths of tumblr and his every flaw and crime is softened under the gaze of understanding, sympathizing, and minimizing.

now, what does this have to do with israel izzy hands, you might be asking?

well, you see, izzy hands is also a violent white man. he also blames other people for his actions (and failures), he makes assumptions about people's motives and their true purpose in life because he believes he innately understands them better than they do themselves (and in doing so, izzy hands works to uphold the colonizer mindset of the british navy, even as blackbeard himself's first mate), he harasses and insults and demeans. he betrays the person he considers himself closest to, and then blames the betrayed for the betrayal. he has delusions of grandeur and overestimates his own skill and importance. and a good portion of the fandom buys into all that he says hook, line, and sinker, all the while minimizing his violence and sympathizing with it. 

now this is a good amount of claims, so i'll go through them one by one, and discuss ways that i've seen them brought up in fandom specifically to minimize the negative impact and sympathize with izzy. 

firstly: izzy as a violent white man

violence can be a confusing thing, in some people's eyes. to a certain type of person, violence can only be defined in the realm of the physical, in laying hands or weapons on another person with intent to injure. but to many more people, particularly marginalized people (in my experience), violence can also include verbal and emotional attacks, bigoted remarks, and the undercutting of boundaries. 

izzy does engage in at least two direct acts of physical violence, first when he grabs fang by the beard and yanks it to punish him for asking a question and then again when he challenges stede to a duel for the explicit purpose of separating him from ed (against ed's wishes!) and then stabs him rather than call it a draw. and note: there's no evidence that izzy WASNT trying to kill stede with that stab. we don't have reason to believe that he knew ed had taught him about being run through, not when the joke of the run me through scene hinged instead on izzy thinking ed and stede were fucking on deck. 

but izzy's violence is chiefly of the other varieties. he is verbally and emotionally, homophobically, violent towards lucius, ed, and to an extent, stede himself. i’ll describe these events in detail in the section about him harassing and demeaning others!

izzy blames other people for his actions 

on two (maybe three) different occasions, we see izzy displace blame onto other people for his own actions and failures. the first time is when he's explaining how he came to have one hostage instead of two when talking to ed - this one isn't really about violence, just about establishing a bit of personality and character with izzy. ed points out that stede bested izzy in swordplay and izzy displaces the blame for his loss onto stede, saying that it was an ambush, completely unprofessional.

they are pirates, a good 90% of their job is ambushing people

being ambushed isn't a good excuse for losing a fight! especially when it wasn't actually the ambush that lead to izzy's loss. i've seen people dismiss what happens a lot as stede getting by with luck or plot armor or romantic comedy genre shenanigans, but what it ultimately comes down to is that izzy was overconfident in his ability to handle the situation. when ivan took a rock to the face and went down, izzy took his eyes off the man standing in front of him with a knife and because of that ended up with said knife pressed to his face. he took his eyes off the threat before him because he didn't see stede as a threat.

but he's not going to admit that to ed, so he blames stede for being unprofessional and ambushing him.

his second displacement of blame also involves stede, is an attempt to provoke violence - he lies to ed and says that he specifically told him blackbeard desires his company, despite the fact that he did no such thing, and actually avoided (twice!) saying who his boss was. this is clearly because he's hoping ed will get angry and he'll be allowed to take care of/kill/thrash stede around for the embarrassment back when they first met.

if not for the fact that ed is BORED and looking for something new and different, he might have taken stede's unknowing insult as mockery and we see what happens to people who mock blackbeard. (they get skinned with a snail fork and tossed overboard.)

izzy was hoping ed would give him permission to dish out violence, and he's visibly disappointed when ed is fascinated instead.

this leads us to the third time he displaces blame, and this is not an attempt at violence, this is an act of violence. izzy sells ed out to the fucking british navy, and he can play it off as selling stede fucking bonnet out all he wants, but he was prepared for the chance that ed would be there at the mercy of the british. he was prepared enough that he clearly made a deal to have blackbeard remanded to the custody of "captain hands" if he was found with stede bonnet. he could have gotten the crew of the revenge and ed killed, all because he couldn't accept that ed is capable of making his own choices (he thinks ed is being seduced, that something's been done to his brain. he doesnt allow that ed could have different priorities or different choices, its his way or the high way)

he used his knowledge of ed and his past to plot an intimate betrayal, not just in selling him out to the navy but by summoning up his old buddy calico jack to be the distraction to try and lure him away from the rest, specifically so he can hurt people that izzy doesn't like and ed does (stede and the crew of the revenge). if ed hadn't come back, stede would have had the crew to open fire on those navy ships and its probable that they would have done it. they probably would have been sunk then and there, attacking three navy ships with just the revenge on their side.

and the whole time he’s still trying to convince edward that he’s doing this for edward’s sake, that he’s not really betraying him he’s just getting rid of stede, that this is for the best and it will be painless, and then when ed steps up and makes the choice to sign the act of grace to save stede, izzy comes at him again with “do you really want to lick the king’s boots”, as if ed would be at a position of considering it without izzy’s betrayal limiting choices.

a significant fandom response to all of these events has, for the most part, been to minimize and sympathize. i've seen posts about izzy being a housewife abandoned by his spouse for a new model. i've seen posts discussing how cruel ed is for abandoning izzy for a fresh interest. how izzy was just trying to help ed in all this because the navy would have found them eventually. there are plenty of posts about how izzy is definitely super competent and only lost to stede in the first place because of the genre change, never mind that genre changes don’t explain why izzy lost to stede the first time. izzy literally sells ed out to the british navy for petty spite and because he doesn't respect ed to make his own decisions, and the discussion hinges on devotion.

come now. we must see that this is the same kind of minimization and sympathizing that was done with kylo ren, when he murders his own father and then makes it out that it's han solo's own fault he killed him, that han gave him no choice. izzy is implying that ed left him no choice but to sell him out, even though izzy had every choice. all he had to do was walk away. he already had walked away, thanks to the duel he INSISTED on having.

this leads into the next point:

izzy making assumptions about people's motives and their true purpose in life, and the ways that izzy acts to uphold the colonizer mindset of the british navy.

there have been multiple posts about the possibility of izzy having a background with the british navy due to his behavior - specifically how he handles discipline, and posts exploring the racial (and racist) dynamic to izzy and ed's relationship to each other. here i intend to argue that izzy’s similarity towards the culture of the british navy and the racial dynamic to izzy and ed’s relationship are in fact inherently tied together.

because see, izzy claims that he does this stuff for ed, he claims that he wants his captain back, he claims that lucius is a proper seductress sleeping around behind his partner's back, he claims that ed is washed up and posing and blackbeard is the real man - and all of these elements are about izzy enforcing his world view, derived from toxic masculinity as enforced by the dominant oppressively expanding white culture onto the people around him. the world of OFMD, contrary to some beliefs, is not a muppet world of the romance genre, nor is it a world free of homophobia. it is our world, its just not solely centering the white experience. it doesn't treat racism as a source of voyeuristic trauma porn, and it doesn't treat homophobia that way either.

somewhere along the line, izzy hands clearly became the sort of man who thinks the only real power is violence, the way a man leads is through fear, that power makes a man into a god, and that punishment and humiliation are the way to create fear and from that fear, power. these same mentalities are centralized in the british empire and its navy (as well as the fancy folk on the party boat), where the clearly doesn’t respect people of color and specifically black people, where izzy’s tactics are taken from the navy - that whole show he puts on, fine dining while the crew works? that’s a navy tactic. the no rations for a week also calls to mind military tactics for breaking rebellious recruits.

we see the punching down, the establishment of power through fear and punishment, in the way that izzy talks to the people around him, the way he grabs and yanks fang's beard to stop him from questioning blackbeard even while he himself calls ed half-insane/half-mad (there are things izzy is allowed to do that the other men aren’t), the way he moans oooh daddy, daddy and snaps bitch to try and shame lucius for being the penetrated partner (but notably has nothing to say to pete), the way he labels ed a nonhuman and says he's better off dead and then infantilizes him as a gay man by saying he's pining over his boyfriend as if ed, a middle aged man who's had previous relationships, is a naive child. again, we see it in the way he sets himself up to eat a fine meal while the crew works and sets fang and ivan (two men of color) to be his dining servants, salting his food and standing by for his orders. we see it in the way that only roach, frenchie, and oluwande are actually being put to any hard work, trying to heave up the anchor, while the rest of the crew is on light duties!

izzy claims he was honored to work for blackbeard because he respected his skill as a sailor, essentially, his mind. but he constantly dismisses ed and his creative process and his feelings and his opinions and literally anything ed does that doesn't fit with izzy's own preconceived notions of what it means to be Edward 'Blackbeard' Teach. this simultaneously infantilizes ed - implies that he doesn't know what's best for him, that he can't take care of himself, that the decisions he makes for himself are the wrong choice - and lionizes him, makes him not a myth rather than a man, makes him someone who has to constantly win, who can never enjoy a fine fabric, never admire a library, never cry over an abandonment, never express himself with anything but violence.

and frankly, this simultaneous infantilization and lionization pattern is nothing unique or new. this is a classic tool of white supremacy and a classic tool of colonization from european powers.

it's the assumption that non-white people are inherently more ""savage"", more wild, more aggressive, less intelligent, less rational, less capable of strong emotion. izzy is disgusted by ed's softer side, and this is UNIQUE to izzy. fang and ivan, they both approve of ed's softer side, of ed bonding with the crew of the revenge. ivan says he's never seen ed so open and available and he doesn't sound bothered by it.

but izzy is upset. and in the finale, when ed is mourning and grieving his hopes and romantic dreams, izzy is disgusted. he says that ed would be better off dead than what he is now, clearly considering him emasculated and dehumanized if he can't be the peak of masculinity that's expected of him, not just as blackbeard but as blackbeard who is a man of color. izzy cannot tolerate that this person he respected only on the grounds of ed presenting as the man izzy expects him to be, in the identity izzy expects him to have, no deviations, no stops, no breaks, is not just that persona.

this is racist. i will say again, this is racist. this is izzy expecting ed to be beyond human and other because izzy will not respect him as a whole and complete person. this is the white colonizer mentality that expects people of color to be superhuman and always on their a-game and never have a bad day. this is izzy ignoring the new white men under his command barely working as he puts the new black men to the hardest work the ship has.

this is izzy, embodying the toxic, racist culture that the golden age of piracy represents - mass colonization, empire building, the invasion and conquering of native peoples all over the planet.

what is the fandom response to these scenes, these events? well, once again, big on the minimization, huge on the sympathy. posts abound about how izzy isn't ACTUALLY homophobic he just hates femininity, he just hates laziness, he just hates people who cheat on their partners. posts about how izzy isnt racist, the show probably didn't think twice about how they had people working! izzy isn't racist and you're overly sensitive if you think he is! izzy isn't racist, YOU'RE the racist who must hate white people.

the response is to talk about how izzy is on the breaking point, how he’s afraid, how he’s losing his stability, how he’s lashing out to try and get back the man he trusts and loves and doesn’t realize the damage he’s doing to ed because he just doesn’t understand what’s happening. 

the classic fandom response, really. it happened with kylo ren too. kylo ren isn't a misogynist, he just respects rey as an opponent. kylo ren isn't racist, the stormtroopers come from all over. its not racist to like kylo ren more than finn, i just think kylo is more sympathetic and nuanced, and besides finn was being the REAL misogynist by holding rey's hand -

people say ed's the real problem too, for not talking to izzy, for liking stede, for hurting the brand. there are posts theorizing about how blackbeard is izzy's creation too so ed can't just give it up. that ed owes his crew (izzy) to be blackbeard even if it makes him miserable. posts about how ed is threatening izzy more than actually expressing suicidal ideation, because why listen to the man of color when you could sympathize with a white man, right?

after all, ed is so erratic and tired and half-insane, he's leaving all the real work to izzy (never mind that ed had a plan, never mind that ed invited izzy into the plan by asking him about the clouds, never mind that izzy rejected this invitation by being disgusted by what he views as a digression because even now he doesn't care about ed's process and that ed’s sigh about izzy lacking imagination shows this isn’t a one-off-)

never mind that izzy says he was excited to work for blackbeard, implying ed was already a legend when izzy began working for him, rather than izzy having a hand in creating the blackbeard legend. never mind that izzy doesn't actually do anything to come up with another plan besides ask how fast the ship can sail when its already too late and ask about the munitions as though they can take on a fully armed spanish navy vessel (and then doesn't have the canons prepped, or follow through on those questions)-

what matters is that izzy SAYS he's trying to keep them all alive and that izzy SAYS he's managing ed.

never mind what the actual text, the show, reveals to us. fandom takes izzy at his word even as ed's own words are dismissed. ed says he feels like he's drowning? ed says he hasn't tried dying yet, maybe he should give it a go? he's threatening izzy with killing himself, not expressing his feelings. he's just talking about wanting to retire. he doesn't mean it. he's making izzy stress by not sharing his plan, never mind that izzy is instantly dismissive the moment he starts to tell him about how he got to the plan.

dismissing the male protagonist of color in favor of the white antagonist - a classic fandom move. classic white supremacy and defense of whiteness too - to believe white people and question people of color.

izzy harasses, insults, and demeans and also just because i can fit it here, izzy has delusions of grandeur

i already talked about this a good amount in the last segment, but i think this is really critical here in discussing how the fandom minimizes the impact of what izzy does and says in the name of sympathizing with him. izzy's actions are aggressive, his words violent, intended to cause harm, intended to HURT, intended to make people feel small and ashamed, because as izzy himself put it - he's first mate hands, or god to you.

that's the high he's riding on. being god as far as he's concerned.

(never mind that this is clearly a delusion of grandeur because the second izzy is actually in charge he's riding high in classic british navy fashion, sitting up and having dinner in front of the crew to establish power, clearly delineating the line between white and non-white, and then punishing them with no food to regain power after they fail to respect him)

and he gets there, like i said, by punching down. he keeps fang and ivan in line with violence, he tries to have the revenge's crew kept down with violence, he tries to work lucius into exhaustion when he catches him in the submissive role of sex and lucius fails to be intimidated by him -

which again, this is motivated by homophobia and the harassment is to the bottom partner, which happens a LOT with homophobia, because homophobes tend to think the person DOING the penetrating is still a man's man while the person submitting is for lack of polite terms, "the woman", "the girl", the "bitch" as izzy puts it. It's not about hating femininity, its about hating femininity in men aka homophobia. And when words alone can't work, Izzy tries to force Lucius into submission by making him scrape the barnacles, even though he actually doesn't have authority over lucius!

and the thing about the barnacles, because THAT comes up a lot too, is that while barnacles can damage a ship's hull and paneling, the chief problem that barnacles cause is that they slow down the ship by increasing friction between the ship and the water surface. this CAN be a problem, but it's not an immediate problem, it's not one that wouldn't be better served being taken care of the next time the ship docks or comes to port and they get other repairs done. it's not the essential, immediate chore that i've seen some imply. it's scrubby busy work that izzy put lucius on as punishment for not being ashamed when izzy decided to humiliate him. izzy says, you think you're cute and lucius says i've decided to carry myself like i am.

one way that we can tell this is nonessential grunt work is the fact that izzy puts lucius, who by all accounts is the least experienced sailor, to work with minimal instruction. as was pointed out to me, in the history of pirate and sailing media, scrubbing the barnacles is generally a grunt work chore to break the newbies in. it’s maintenance, not essential work that the ship depends on. 

and this interaction? this has nothing to do with izzy thinking lucius is unfaithful. it happens before then. and he doesn't come at pete for getting his dick wet, just lucius for being the one wetting it and being unashamed about it. its about homophobia, and the fact that in the world of toxic masculinity the worst thing you can do is "submit".

now, there's subtext here about izzy not being straight, about izzy being repressed and gay and lashing out at lucius who is openly and joyously gay and that's definitely likely - but that still makes it homophobia, and its not internalized homophobia either, its externalized homophobia directed at the gay men around him that izzy sees as emasculated and emasculating. personally i have no patience for people who make others miserable to get some scrap of satisfaction for themselves, but i know other people do, have patience and sympathy.

but there's so much faith extended to izzy. so much talk about his redemption, his suffering, his sorrows, the way he hurts, the way ed hurt him, when izzy initiates the violence and disrespect, but izzy is white and whiteness is prioritized. even when the violence is white on white (izzy vs lucius) izzy’s metatexual position as a repressed gay man is placed in priority to lucius’ emotional safety as an out gay man subject to homophobic violence in the workplace he lives in. when lucius refuses to do the pointless punishment task he’s been given because he wasn’t humiliated, he’s given even more busy work for the pure purpose of burdening, exhausting, and breaking him in, and that’s why lucius is framed as the winner when he makes izzy back off with his own threat of humiliation. 

because the work was never essential and was always about humiliation and forcing “respect”. and yet there are so many posts about izzy being right about the work needing to be done and how lucius really is just lazy and uses seduction to get out of work. over on the ofmd kink meme there are SO many posts about how they just want the crew to see how cool and competent and valuable and right izzy is and to have him get hurt/comfort after being misjudged by the crew. 

how many analyses talk about the class divide in ofmd while failing to mention the racial divide? i know i've read far too many of them.

as with kylo ren and every other violent white man that becomes particularly beloved in fandom, izzy's responsibility for his violence is often diminished and his sympathetic qualities (very limited in the show) are expanded upon. and just to make it clear, this isn't to say every izzy fan interprets him this way but my goodness have i seen a lot of this sentiment.  i find izzy pretty fascinating, on a meta and writing level, and scum under my boots on my personal level, and if anyone takes this post as an attack i mean. that's on you. this post is to raise awareness that this is an on-going habit in fandom that has continued for decades and will continue on for decades if people don't stop and consider, at least occasionally, why they think as they do.

izzy is made out as though he's trying so hard, but he doesn't even care that the crew of the revenge are doing work poorly and sloppily (frenchie is literally nailing his sleeve down…) and when he interrupts them having a meal he screams and shouts but doesn't actually make sure they get to work because it wasn’t about them taking a break its about the fact that they aren’t terrified of being boarded and invaded and he never does any of the oh so concerning work himself. 

fandom takes it for granted that izzy is a reliable narrator when he says he wants the work done right and he's trying to keep things running but we learn from fang that when he was last kept in charge he metaphorically (and pretty much literally) shat the bed. and this is a story fang is happy to share with people he's known for less than two weeks. izzy does NOT command loyalty or respect, he does not keep a crew running, he does not know how to manage people, and days of being in charge later he's only saved from death because ed comes back and saves his life effortlessly, because ED commands respect and loyalty.

when izzy is in charge of things without ed's backing, he's izzy the spewer shitting the bed at doing the job.

and yet his competencies are lauded! and defended! what we see that izzy is good at is fighting and selling out his boss. what we see he's bad at is pretty much everything else. (pretty similar to kylo ren, again, who is likewise held up as competent and intimidating and powerful.)

at no point does the narrative ever reward izzy. at no point is he on top in any of the jokes or the gags. izzy is another badminton for this narrative, punching down and forcibly maintaining the abusive social dynamic of the time and place, and thus like the badmintons, the narrative is never on his side.

but i guess the narrative doesn't have to be on his side, because a portion of the fandom will be, right?

when we look at the impact that izzy has on ed, we can see that its the same impact the badmintons have on stede, and here is where i’ll be adding in observations from @ who helped review and critique this analysis in the drafting stage:

The point about the Badmintons is really good because it's about the different expressions of that racist, homophobic masculinity from two different pov. The Badmintons are of course rich and have an emotional distance from Stede and his masculinity/femininity that they turn into bullying and disdain. But Izzy is up close to Ed. Izzy is in the circle and uses many of the same mechanisms the Badmintons use, just in a slightly different way, but they all humiliate, reproach, harass, and disdain the guy they don't approve of. Where the Badmintons wanted to crush Stede to stop him being who he is, Izzy is trying to control Ed to stop him being who he is. Both the Badmintons and Izzy bring up the past as mechanisms of control, they both refuse to listen when they're told No, they both reject other forms of thinking and other expressions of masculinity. The Badmintons want Stede to suffer because he can't live up to their "ideals," but Izzy wants Ed to suffer to "elevate" him to his ideals. And the racial implication of what that ideal constitutes is still there. Especially because even if this is chance, both Badmintons and Izzy are English. If that makes sense.

And if you add the reading that Izzy is gay and repressed (where the Badmintons are probably not), that also explains why Izzy is given a little more depth and screen time. Because whether this is true or not, Izzy is the eponymous crab in the bucket trying to bring down the others with him because he is too bigoted and closed minded to think there's any other way to live outside the bucket

a lot of fans depict izzy's possessiveness as protectiveness from stede bonnet, as defending his relationship with ed from stede, as being afraid that ed will be weakened and left vulnerable by exposure to stede's dangerous softness -

but izzy is the one who hurts ed for being soft

ivan and fang are both "real" pirates who come from ed's crew and they're both in full support of ed and his growth and change. they serve as balances to show that izzy is not, in fact, correct, about the way the world works. these two are hardened, battle-loving pirates who regret not getting to murder and are happy to punch prisoners. but they enjoy the softer life with the revenge and they enjoy watching ed soften up too

(and yes, they stand with izzy for the big "you have to send him to doggy heaven" discussion, but it seems pretty clearly that that's more because of the no pet rules and lingering dog murder trauma than because they disapprove of ed's changing. just him seemingly altering the rules of the arrangement.)

izzy, acting as antagonist, digs his heels in and goes in on ed right as he's climbing to his feet, because he disapproves of ed reaching out and finding community and sharing his softness with other people. he's disgusted that other people have seen the "weakness" that izzy himself dislikes so much.

there has been a lot of pushback against izzy for the way he attacks ed, i would never pretend otherwise. but there's an equally large amount of poeple who diminish what izzy does, the impact he has on ed, and even the nature of his comments. i've seen posts argue that izzy isn't threatening ed when he says "edward better watch his step", as if there could possibly be a non-threatening connotation to the phrase. i'm not going to argue about whether or not edward is afraid. what i am going to say is that its pretty undeniable by any reasonable standard that izzy is threatening ed.

again, posts about how izzy isn’t homophobic, that go about repeating that  'he's not homophobic he just hates when men are feminine' argument, are at best naive and at worst complete obstrucations of the truth because that is BUILT on the inherent misogyny within homophobia. the idea that men who cry, men who wear bright colors, men who enjoy soft clothing are feminine? is homophobia! Because its all about the fear of men being women because gay men especially men who bottom are seen as being emasculated and womanly. 

in fact, some fans characterize izzy as emotional and hurt, a housewife, a jilted lover, as being the truly vulnerable one between the two, the one facing losing everything... and never mind that izzy is doing heads and shoulders better than ed, and that izzy CHOSE to leave ed's side when he chose not to respect ed's wishes and instigated a duel that ed told him not to do and asked him to back down from, while ed is the one the narrative shows as having actually been left behind. izzy isn’t left behind. izzy leaves, because things need to be on his terms or no terms. And yet izzy is viewed as the one emotionally transgressed upon, the sad wife dealing with an absentee husband, this all, again, takes me right back to kylo ren. 

after all, kylo ren as female-coded, woman-coded, as a feminine character, was a hugely popular take in kylo ren fan spaces. people looked at kylo ren and said that his emotional nature did not make him volatile but in touch with his feelings, feminine coded. his violence was considered self-defense, and he was considered a victim, a real victim, of abandonment, the same way that izzy is even now being considered a victim of abandonment. not going to lie, the way that izzy’s implied masochistic bottom tendencies are taken and blown up by fandom to put him in this space of being more vulnerable than he actually is just reminds me starkly of the way kylo ren fans used his supposed femininity as a defense against critiques of his character.

in conclusion 

i cant believe i spent 6000 words talking about this and i guess this is my huge izzy analysis post that covers my general troubles with the way fandom interacts with the character of izzy hands. Izzy is an interesting character because he’s essentially a slightly more fleshed out badminton, he’s an antagonist who serves to kick ed when he’s down and adhere him to the corrupt and toxic mire of masculine society they both inhabit, but too often he’s not allowed to be fully culpable for his behavior.

fandom has a long habit of finding toxic white men and softening their behavior. it’s not even about condoning the behavior, it’s about changing the text to make them more palatable and i believe its to do with our societal predisposition to trust, cater to, and trust whiteness combined with izzy’s queer coding that makes people latch onto him and want to make him something better than he is. after all, if he isn’t homophobic, if he isn’t enforcing racism, if he isn’t violently suppressing the people around him, then its easier to care for him, love him, sympathize with him, empathize with him - 

easier to see this white man as a victim instead of the architect of all of his own misery. at every turn izzy can walk away and at every turn izzy chooses to take his shovel and dig himself deeper. at no one’s request, at no one’s entreaty, izzy digs his heels in and drives deeper into the fucked up mire of toxic masculinity because he doesn’t want to leave it and he doesn’t want ed or the crew or anyone else to leave it either. And that’s a fascinating character, a sad character, a hurting character, a fucked up character, and i don’t understand why so much of the engagement with this character wants to run way from that. 

izzy hands can find redemption. he can grow and change and become something better. but not if he (and his fanbase) are incapable of acknowledging exactly how deep in the shit he is to begin with. the way for izzy to grow is not for the other characters to change or the other characters to cater to his hurt or make space for him. the way for izzy to change is to recognize that he did this to himself and that his absolution will come from no one else.

[charmingturkeysandwich]

Knock, Knock Ch. 25: New Beginnings

Full disclosure: I literally just got off an actual real life pirate ship excursion and I might be a little drunk. But I wrote this sober, promise! I hope you enjoy this chapter - things are definitely wrapping up for our pirating lovebirds.

Read on AO3.

Read from the beginning on Tumblr.

Recovery wasn’t like it was in the movies and TV shows. Well, not in the happy ones at least.

Emma was miserable a lot of the time. Her voice was mostly back to normal, but the aching in her chest was still pretty severe. The burns she and Belle had suffered were admittedly minor by comparison to what they could have been, but they still hurt like a bitch (and didn’t look very aesthetically pleasing either).

And the pain. Ugh. The pain was nearly constant. She’d stopped taking the pills the doctor had given her – the addiction videos did their proper job of scaring the living daylights out of her – but now she was left at a constant 6-7/10 pain scale (definitely the level of one of the miserable looking emojis) and it was negatively impacting just about every part of her life.

“For God’s sake, Emma, is there any meal you will eat?!” David snapped at her, deeply frustrated by her current distaste for all food that wasn’t ice cream, frozen yogurt, or milkshakes.

“Sorry, dad, I’m just not feeling lasagna today. Especially not since you most definitely just bought this from Granny.”

“Well my pregnant wife and I got sick of putting in so much effort to try to cook you delicious, homemade meals just to have you turn your nose up at them! I know you’re going through a lot, Emma, but, quite honestly, you’re acting like a toddler. Mary Margaret and I are happy to have you here and we love you but I swear to God if you don’t eat this lasagna I’m going to throw it at you.”

Yeah, most people were at their breaking point with her.

Killian was the most patient, of course, but he’d finally broken just the day before. And what a delightful break that was (sarcasm).

You see, if this had been some movie, then Emma would have done some rehab to the tune of a quirky alternative rock song, would have had some montage where she slowly healed and Killian helped her do things while she beamed with her incandescent love, and most importantly she would have been on his fucking boat when he finally needed to get down to business (and not to defeat the Huns).

Ever since she woke up in the hospital she’d been dreaming of that first piratey excursion they’d have after her recovery. She’d probably have some bandages but play it off like it was all part of the costume. It would be fulfilling. Triumphant. It would make her forget how fucking stupid she could be sometimes and how that affected the people around her.

But no. The meds had made her loopy and the lack of meds had made her cranky. Saltwater hitting her wounds was a super ouchy – she discovered that just sitting at the goddamn docks, no less – and it turned out the rocking of the boat was something that really angered her severely battered insides.

So, yeah. Killian had to get back to work, had to execute some of her meticulously crafted plans – without her.

Today was the first one. It was the start of a weeklong camp, and Emma had been so excited for it. They were going to cover the history of the town, the types of creatures in the waters below them. And most importantly, they were going to tell stories. In trying to figure out how exactly to make these summer kid-adventures more interesting (and different from things they already offered), Emma wracked her brain about what really appeals to kids – what they want and what they need.

She’d had a shit life. Obviously. Well, most of it, anyway. But as is true with anyone, she still had those bright spots in her life that shone through all the darkness. Oddly enough, most of them involved fiction.

That’s what hit her. The reason that Killian’s pirate ship tours were so interesting wasn’t because people were interested in actual pirates – no, historically they were rapists, murderers, and thieves with halitosis and scurvy. What people were interested in were the stories. The folk legends. The fairy tales. So on the last two days of this camp, Killian would tell stories of his own – fake ones, of course, as Belle had already done a lesson on the “real” pirates of the region – and then the kids would create their own.

It’s something Emma had done a lot. Not in a controlled, educational setting, of course. More like while hiding in the woods from her abusive, mentally unstable foster father who was threatening to kill her and all the kids with a sawed off shotgun. But it was the same concept. We’re fascinated by fantastical things, fictional adventures, but when it comes down to it, we have all the ability inside us to create our own worlds and stories. And that’s something really powerful for kids – even the ones who aren’t damaged beyond all belief.

You could say Emma was bitter the night before Killian’s camp began, seeing as she wouldn’t be participating. In fact, the pregnant lady was going in her place, because apparently growing a child allowed you more capabilities than her own predicament did.

So she may have started a fight with Killian just before bed.

Despite it being less than 24 hours prior to her lasagna refusal, the details of the encounter were escaping her. What she didn’t forget, however, was Killian’s meltdown. It went something to the tune of you’re the one who put yourself in danger and tried to fucking leave me and you think you get to hold the burning building card forever, well I’ve got the same card in my pocket and I love you so much I can’t even put it into words but funny enough I have a lot of words for you right now that have nothing to do with love.

Emma reacted like a brat, which wasn’t fair. And Killian didn’t call her a brat – or any other b word for that matter – but she could see it in his eyes.

It was so damn frustrating not recovering quickly. Why couldn’t she just be Buffy Summers? Ugh. That’s right. Thinking she was Buffy Summers is exactly what got her into this mess in the first place.

(Non-slayers should probably await the firefighters’ assistance when exiting a burning building. She’s learned her lesson. Please, no more lectures.)

“Emma!” David’s voice boomed, bringing her out of her bitter reverie.

“What?” (She sounded like a sullen teenager, even to herself.)

“I’m giving you ten seconds to start eating that lasagna. One.”

“Or what, you’ll burn all my stuff? Too late. ”

“Two.”

“David, I’m not a child!”

“Three.”

“Seriously, you need to stop this.”

“Four.”

“You realize your kid isn’t even born yet, and you’ll already an annoying father.”

“Five.”

“You’re really not going to give this up, are you?”

“Six.”

“I’m going to text your wife and tell her you’re having some kind of pre-baby meltdown.”

“Seven.”

“Remember how I have serious injuries?!”

“Eight.”

“Burns and scrapes and sprains!”

“Nine.”

Emma crossed her arms and stared, I dare you written across her eyes.

“Ten.”

Before Emma could open her mouth to triumphantly declare having called David’s bluff, he reached over the table, picked her slice of lasagna up off her plate –

–  and (gently) smashed it onto her skull.

“What the hell?!”

“I warned you. Now go clean up while I cut you another piece. That you’ll fucking eat this time.”

David wasn’t one to swear very often. He was very Steve Rodgers about it all.

But Emma had broken him. Just like she’d broken everyone else.

-

The kids couldn’t have been happier. It was a lovely summer day – the storms of the weekend had given the coast the drink it desperately needed, so the flowers were blooming bright and the trees and grasses were greener than ever. The fish were jumping and the birds were cawing and there couldn’t possibly be a single thing missing in that perfect day.

You know, except his pirate princess of a partner.

She was feeling like shit. And he was trying so hard to just let her work through it all herself. Her guilt about everything was tangible, her mild regret about her heroics constantly on her mind – especially when it came to the limitations it was currently imposing on her. He knew that she was being a bitch because she was in pain and missing out on things and sorely unable to take the next step they’d promised each other because of her slow progress.

But there was only so much a man could take.

He regretting yelling at her. Why it had turned to a fight the previous night, he really couldn’t be sure. But he’d been bottling some bitter of his own and the thing about pushing down your feelings is that they inevitably come bursting out. Generally at a most inopportune moment.

So Emma had slept on the pull-out couch rather than in the guest room (their room), and he’d left in the morning before she’d awoken, and now he was on his ship carrying out her wonderful plans, all without her.

Mary Margaret could tell he was only half there. She was picking up a lot of his slack like a damn champ. She was answering all the kids’ questions and keeping them excited, even when Killian had clearly been somewhere else in his head. He was endlessly grateful for the fairer Nolan for putting her child-corralling expertise into practice while he… gathered his bearings.

He’d get through today. He’d put on a great show for the kids, make sure they learned something and were excited for tomorrow, and then he’d get home and fix things with his admittedly still ailing princess.

Deep breaths.

-

After washing her hair (and changing her shirt), Emma quietly walked back to the kitchen, sat down at her place at the table, and ate two full pieces of lasagna without a word. David just stood there, arms crossed, looking at everything but Emma (while clearly also keeping an eye on her in his periphery to make sure she wasn’t tossing scraps in the trash).

With the newspaper already opened in front of her, Emma started browsing. The police reports were always fun – small seaside towns had some quirky little problems, to be sure – but it was the Classifieds that caught her attention most.

Especially the 2-bedroom house for rent just a couple of blocks from where Killian kept his ship. It was so close to the water that they could probably see the shore from the upstairs. Was that where the bedrooms were? Could Emma get so lucky as to live in a house overlooking the sea with her perfect pirate prince?

(Her life was never this easy.)

It was around one in the afternoon, so Mary Margaret and Killian wouldn’t be home for at least another three hours – more if the kids really wreaked havoc on the ship (hopefully not). And David didn’t have to go into work until 7 (he was doing overnights since Emma needed someone with her in the daytime, yes, like a fucking child).

She shouldn’t be asking David for any favors, but this one was probably acceptable. Because it was a big step and hopefully at least somewhat proof that Emma could do more than brood (and yell at the people who love her).

“Hey, do you think we could swing by this house? Pretty please?”

“Not until you shower. You still smell like marinara.” When Emma finally met David’s eyes, they softened and his scowl gave way to a smirk. (Guess she only broke him momentarily).

 The house wasn’t that far from the Nolans’ so they were there by two that afternoon. And as luck would have it, the agent was having an open house until three. So after staring at it from the outside for far too long (she still had some fear, OK?), David and Emma walked up to the door and knocked.

“Hello! Are you folks interested in the house?” A bright-eyed redhead (who wore far too much green) greeted them, ushering them into the foyer.

She was struck by the… cuteness of the place. It wasn’t the vast, column-adorned mansion type. And it wasn’t a cottage in the woods. But it was homey. It was sweet.

And why the fuck was it just for rent?

“Uh, well, yeah. I mean I’m interested in the house. This is my… brother. He’s just, um, helping me.” Emma unconsciously tugged at one of her bandages, suddenly feeling awkward about needing a chaperone. But the woman seemed to realize immediately who she was.

“Oh my goodness! You’re Emma Swan, aren’t you? The girl who tried to save the meth head?”

“Uh, I think it was PCP, but yeah. That’s me. Hence the bodyguard. Sorry.”

“Goodness, no, don’t be sorry. I suppose I should be sorry for being so forward. I do hope you’re recovering well.” She extended her hand and offered another, more sincere smile. “I’m Zelena.”

What a name. “Nice to meet you. This is David. He’s here to stop me from running toward fire. At least until these heal.”

“It really was a wonderful thing you did. It seems Jefferson is finally going to get the help he needs.”

“What he needs is a punch to the face,” David muttered, but Zelena either didn’t hear him or chose to ignore it.

“Can I show you around?” she asked, Emma already wandering about to see the details of each room.

“Yeah, but I mean, I’m already thinking this is too good to be true. Why would someone put this up for rent? It’s so… nice.”

“Well, renting doesn’t mean slumming it, my dear. I’m truly sorry for the loss of your last home, but renting doesn’t always mean it’s small apartments with crappy heat and thin walls. The gentleman who owns this property and many others simply enjoys renovating houses. And he’s found that he generates a nice, steady income from renting them out. And he likes to give people a starter home they can be proud of. Is that something you’re looking for?”

God, if she only knew. “Yes, yeah, that’s… that’s what I need.”

“Then allow me to show you around.”

The tour really only solidified her too good to be true feelings (worries). The carpets were new and the walls were freshly painted. The bay window in their (hypothetical) bedroom would be perfect for curling up and reading. The closets were small, but the basement wasn’t awful, so they’d certainly have room for storage.

And best of all, their view of the bay was perfect. So perfect, in fact, that she could literally see Killian’s ship, out there on the water, molding young minds to be adventurers, explorers and dreamers.

(And yeah, that second bedroom might someday be able to hold a young adventurer, explorer, and dreamer who just so happened to share DNA with her and Killian.)

In short, it was pretty damn perfect.

“Now, I do have several people interested already, but I know that glint in your eye, Ms. Swan. You’ve found your home, haven’t you?”

It was a tactic. Emma knew this. She could spot a slimy salesperson from, well, all the way out to the ocean, probably.

But it’s not as if Zelena was wrong.

-

The kids had been incredible. It kind of made him feel guilty for being the little shit he was as a child, but it’s all about circumstance. He didn’t have nearly the support these kids did.

Then again, if he had, he may never have crossed the pond, may never have met Milah, may never have loved her and lost her and then found himself on a ‘pirate’ ship and living in a tiny apartment, just one thin wall away from what would become a most magical journey.

It’s funny to think about cause and effect. Because sometimes it could set your insides on fire with anger, with guilt, with regret. But there were those other moments that the cause was something unexpected, terrible, that you’d never wish on your worst enemy – and somehow the effect was, what – happily ever after?

(The lesson plans and build the kids’ imaginations was clearly affecting him.)

Once he’d put the Emma situation (mostly) out of his head, it was a really great day. They talked about colonization and the ships that came to America from the far-off lands. They talked about the wars that had been fought here, the things that had been discovered. And they talked about the heroes of Storybrooke and other surrounding areas – the corrupt mayor who’d been defeated by a brave young woman, the young boy who’d stopped the curse of scarlet fever, the brave huntsman who’d given his life to save a young princess from a faraway land. There were historical accounts of each of those tales, of course, but they weren’t quite as fun as the folksy versions. Killian was careful to tell both, though, and the kids were captivated.

When he bid them all farewell and he and Mary Margaret packed up their things, they both had a glow about them (and his clearly had nothing to do with pregnancy). It was more fulfilling than he’d ever imagined to be using his powers for good, so to speak.

Frat boys guzzling rum made him money, but damn did this new arrangement just give him so much more.

“What do you think the whiner and her warden have prepared for us for dinner?” Mary Margaret asked, her being the only one really taking Emma’s constant crankiness in stride.

“Oh, who knows. Emma probably won’t even be there. I sense she’ll be avoiding me. Again.”

“Oh, she will not. I heard your fight – well, part of it. Our walls aren’t that thin. But you needed to let it out! And I know her. She’ll understand. And maybe you showing how her sullenness is affecting you will finally make her clean up her act a little bit. I love her, but damn. She’s a level of bitter I haven’t experienced before. And I was there when she was attempting to live in her car.”

“I know all the stories, Mary Margaret. I think she’s angrier because she was happier? I think the fight last night started all because she’s just mad that she couldn’t go on the ship today. After all her planning and being so dedicated to trying to really cultivate the whole ‘educational’ and ‘family’ aspect of the business, she’s stuck at home. She’s taking it out on us which is super not OK, obviously. But I know from experience that your emotions hit you harder when there’s actually something you feel you lost.”

“Well I’m sure she’d recover faster if she’d just try a little harder. But don’t tell her I said that.” Mary Margaret looked over at Killian and smiled for a moment before focusing back on the task of backing into their driveway. It was nice, the camaraderie he had with Mary Margaret and David, Emma’s only “family” – despite their not being blood-related.

They were all this little unit. Along with Belle and Will and Regina and Ruby and Robin – somehow Killian had found his people.

All because of Emma.

When Mary Margaret and Killian entered the home, they found a surprising sight: Emma and David were making dinner. Together.

Emma was actually contributing to the meal’s preparation. She was even – gasp – smiling?

Until she saw him. At that point her expression morphed to something between fear and panic. Was he accidentally dressed like Freddy Kruger?

“You’re home!” Emma stuttered, visibly nervous.

“I can finish this. Why don’t you go… chat?” David suggested, bumping Emma out of the way with his hip while he stirred what looked like sauce.

“Uh, ok. Just… keep stirring.”

“Just keep stirring, just keep stirring, just keep stirring, stirring, stirring,” David started singing, continually moving the wooden spoon through the substance in the skillet.

“David. You’re not Dory,” Emma chided, a hint of a smile on the corners of her lips.

(David was breaking tension. Which meant there was something up. Fuck, he couldn’t deal with any more drama.)

Emma approached him overly cautiously – the kiss she laid on his cheek so quick he barely felt it. “We’re having this tortellini veggie bake that I found on Pinterest and I don’t want him to fuck it up. I’ve read it’s delicious.” Emma seemed to be trying to explain her nervousness away, to blame it on cooking. But there was definitely something more going on.

She took his hand and led them to their room, Emma awkwardly standing in the doorway even as Killian sat down on the bed. She was quiet for far too long, staring all over the room instead of looking at him.

Until she finally blurted out, “please don’t be mad at me!”

Which took him by surprise. “Uhhh, are you talking about last night? Because I was just frustrated and I shouldn’t have said what I did – I’m annoyed at you, admittedly, but I’m not mad, per se, and I don’t want you to think I hate you because I don’t, I’m just – ”

“No, Killian, I get it. I’ve been a bitter, frustrated bitch and it’s not fair and you needed to get it out. No harm done except me feeling guilty for being awful. That’s – that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then why would I be mad?”

“Well, you know how you worried that I’d be mad when you made a big decision without asking me?”

“… yes?”

“You really don’t see where I’m going with this?”

“Yes, Emma, I obviously see that you made a decision without me, but I’m not sure what that decision might have been so I’m waiting for you to explain it before I assure you I’m not mad!”

“Well, I may have, um… put down security deposit and first and last month’s rent on a house. It’s adorable! I promise! And it overlooks the water and has a bay window and it’s mostly new and we don’t have to share any walls with psychopaths and it has a brand new fire alarm and sprinkler systems and a fireplace and I just want us to move forward and I’m sorry that I’m terrible at recovering and I know I should have asked you first but you were with the kids and I knew you couldn’t text or call and the slimy sales lady was all I have other people interested and making me feel like I had no choice but to take it right that second and I shouldn’t have fallen for it, but Killian, it’s our house. I could feel it. So. I took the leap.”

Emma was out of breath from her babbling, so Killian gave her a moment just to breathe, to attempt relaxation – however impossible that might be. And then he stood, grabbed her hand, and pulled her to sit next to him. He put his hand on her leg and gripped it tightly, willing her to listen to his words and stop her damn panicking.

“Emma. We have got to stop worrying that each other is going to leave just because we took a positive step forward. Or, perhaps we need to communicate with each other before taking steps. I don’t know, it’s one of the two. But the point is: I’m very happy that you found us a house. It sounds perfect. And I’m so happy to be starting a life with you. Not that it hasn’t already started. I mean, we’ve kind of been living a joint life for a while now. But you know what I’m saying. We’ll start our fully independent life together.”

“I know I should have resolved last night especially first. I’ve been terrible. I’m still going to be terrible – I swear I can only control my snark about 45% of the time. I resolved long ago, just after everything with Graham, that I wouldn’t ever use you as a punching bag. Even when you’re offering yourself up for it. And I failed. I know that. I know I let myself just let go and take everything out on you and Mary Margaret and David. I know that’s why Robin won’t even come visit and why Belle gets short with me. I mean we dealt with the same trauma and yet I’m the only one going all Cruella de Vil because of it. I’m working on it. I promise to always work on it. Because, you know, I love you.”

“As I love you. Now how about you show me this home I apparently have because somebody just couldn’t wait…” Killian put his forehead against hers, brushing her cheek with his thumb.

“After dinner. I’m serious about the tortellini. It’s supposed to be near Godly and it took us a Godly amount of time to cook it, so we’re damn well eating it. But then I’ll take you to see the house! It’s perfect. I promise I made a good decision, even if I shouldn’t have done so alone.”

“Oh, love, any house would be perfect with you in it.” Killian kissed her cheek, her nose, her forehead, and then captured her lips in a deep, loving kiss.

“Only my dinner should be that cheesy, Jones.”

Go to Next Chapter

I have finally experienced the type of excursion that I’ve been writing about for over a year, and I’m happy to report I was correct about what it was like. So yay! Cheers, friends & thank you for reading : )

[diemondgrimm]

25-45 plz!

25. What color socks are you wearing?Currently not wearing socks, but i just purchased Pokémon socks! 
26. Have you ever been famous?I had a blog for a while that had 6k followers, but i admitted that i was actually a boring normal girl and not the stripper i had pretended to be and well it all kinda fell apart.
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?No i wanna be a little known writer 
28. What type of music do you like?ALL OF IT. Although this new techno and rap is shitty.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?Aha kinda i got everything off and by the time everyone else was doing it we were so cold we all wanted to cry. so that ended that. 
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?So many, no i can’t sleep without constant cuddles and i dont care if people say that’s a sign of depression cause i love pillows and they love me. 
31. What position do you usually sleep in?I used to sleep on my stomach, but i have very bad lordosis so i am trying to sleep on my back..it’s impossible 
32. How big is your house?Three bedroom two bath.Tiny yard tho 
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?I don’t really eat breakfast, even tho it’s my favorite meal…
34. Have you ever fired a gun?Yes
35. Have you ever tried archery?Yes!!! I love it
36. Favorite clean word?Crystallized 
37. Favorite swear word?I’d have to say cunt, because people don’t usually say it. It’s like..taboo and when You call someone that it hurts more than Bitch or fuck You.
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?Oml like a long frikkin time. I dont know the exact hours but three days no sleep and i as basically living on caffeine pills and diet soda. 
39. Do you have any scars?Lots! I have one in my eyebrow from when i broke my leg. One really odd looking one on my ass from when my ex boyfriend shot me with an airsoft gun, another one from when i turned around mad at him and he shot my stomach. I thought that one was cool though and burned it in with a cigarette and chopped a x around it so it looked frikkin legit. Avery unusual bite mark on my boob but it's faint.Then all the usual teenage scars. Lots on the bottom of my feet cause that’s the one place nobody ever looks.Bae says i should cover the ones on my thighs with tattoos but i really don’t care for the idea of forgetting the past, and i personally don’t like my thighs enough to spend that kind of money on a tattoo I’d hide.
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?Yes and stalkers. It’s not as fun as you’d think. 
41. Are you a good liar?Am i? Everybody says no, but they still haven’t seemed to figure out a lot. So i dont know Maybe I’m not a good liar but in silver tongued.
42. Are you a good judge of character?Usually, but i tend not to care if someone is needy and possibly a toxic friend because i care and i will try and go the extra mile for You. You have to be abusive for me not to want to know every inch of your humanity.
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?Not really, someone will tell me to talk Piratey and I’ll go Irish. Someone will say Irish and suddenly I’m Jewish. I can’t actually tell the differences in my head.. 
44. Do you have a strong accent?Nah???
45. What is your favorite accent?Tom Hardy’s. whatever it is..

[tabletopontap]

March 2018 Game of the Month & Drink Pairing

Today I’d like to highlight escape room board games this month.  This lumps the Exit/Unlock/Deckscape series together.  However, I’d particularly like to highlight one of the games from Unlock’s second round of releases, The Tonipal’s Treasure.  This particular escape game had everything you could hope for based on the title and cover artwork: swashbuckling buccaneers, a talking parrot, secret maps promising hidden treasure, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!  I hope anyone reading this won’t feel like I’ve given too much away.  I’m not going to specify any of the puzzles, but I will say that I particularly enjoyed one of them.

In the Dice Tower’s podcast with Tom Vasel and Eric Summerer, Tom described The Tonipal’s Treasure as being his favorite of the Unlock series so far, as well as being the most similar in feel to a T.I.M.E. Stories adventure.  I’m not really sure why he made the comparison.  When I think of T.I.M.E. Stories, I think of the way that game forces you to repeat a loop over and over until you find the right path.  I’d say it’s nearly impossible to make all the right moves on your first trip through, unless you get incredibly lucky at guessing.  There’s simply not enough time to explore every avenue in T.I.M.E. Stories, and I feel like the game is structured so that you pick up necessary information in the first round that you can apply to a repeat round.  I don’t feel like that was the case in Unlock: The Tonipal’s Treasure.

I suspect Tom’s comparison might be due to the ability of players to make different choices, leading them down divergent paths that ultimately lead back to one correct path forward.  If this is the situation, then making the “right” decisions all along would lead to a more efficient route to the end goal, while other roads may meander before getting to the end.  However, since I didn’t look at all the cards after I finished playing, I can’t say if this is the case.  Ultimately, though, I was pleased with how the game drew me in, allowing me to become immersed in the pirate theme and have fun hunting down the clues.

As for pairings, there’s more than one good option, especially for The Tonipal’s Treasure.  Here’s someone else’s list of pirate beers: http://bit.ly/2G1TCFx.  From beer aged in rum barrels to beers with pirate-themed names, the choices range from IPAs to Porters.  However, I like to drink local craft beers when I can, so my recommendations reflect that regional bias.  Specifically, I’d like to highlight Burnt Hickory Cannon Dragger, an IPA having 8% ABV, and Monday Night Blind Pirate, another IPA at 7.4% ABV.

According to other reviewers on beeradvocate.com, Cannon Dragger has a “dank” or “earthy” flavor along with mild hops and a bit of spice on the back end.  To me, Cannon Dragger’s flavor profile is that of a typical IPA, so I wouldn’t necessarily agree with other reviewers.  As an IPA fan, this is a solid choice.  I will note that I don’t typically like mild-flavored IPAs and tend to go for ones with bigger flavor, including ones that--as my friends would say, “punch you in the mouth”.  Cannon Dragger isn’t a “punch you in the mouth” type of beer, but its combination of flavors keeps me happy.

Blind Pirate has a bold citrus flavor, which should come as no surprise, since Monday Night has tinkered with this recipe to create what is currently known as Blind Pirate Blood Orange.  I think using blood oranges was just to increase the foodie/cool factor, or perhaps to evoke mental imagery with “blood” and “pirate” in the same title.  I enjoyed Blind Pirate’s citric tanginess even before they added blood oranges.  Although blood orange fruit has a pretty color that is even richer than a ruby red grapefruit, I’m not convinced anyone would be able to taste the difference between a blood orange and a regular orange.  At any rate, this beer’s clear, copper/amber color evokes feelings of home for me.  I grew up in Florida near citrus groves and have always loved the bite of citrus fruit—the best ones are sweet with a bit of bitter bite.

I don’t have a good suggestion for non-IPA fans, but let’s face it, a piratey game like The Tonipal’s Treasure really should be paired with a citrus beer, so you don’t get scurrrvy, mate!

Finally, a good beer to pair with any escape room game is Wild Heaven Emergency Drinking beer.  This Pilsener style beer has a low 4% ABV, which makes it perfect for drinking when you want to keep your head in the game.

That’s all for this post.  I’d like to hear other people’s recommendations; what pirate themed beer do you enjoy?